A
female
age
36-40,
*ebe87
writes:So this girl that I have been getting pretty close as friends, I met her a couple months back. Well I also just recently came out of a relationship and she has kinda been right there with me. I have reunited with someone whom I never really gave the chance to because I was in a committed relationship. So I just found out (from him) that a week ago when us 3 were out drinking she told him, “give up on her” (meaning me) and brought up stuff about me and my ex and said if you bring this up I will deny it. Then the next outing she said she couldn’t remember what she said because she was drunk. What do I do?? I totally trust him like 100%. Now mind you I have noticed myself her being a little too flirty with him for my liking. Here is the thing, I have really thought she’s been a good friend other than this. And she is always trying to hang out with me and see me. I am so lost!
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (29 September 2011):
She may be two different things to you. She may be a good friend in some respects, and she may be someone who acts competatively with her friends in relation to men. She may have acted competatively with your boyfriend and said things to him to try and make her look more favourably to him, or put him off you for her own gain. She may have been drunk and overstepped the mark which she regrets and is trying to hide, or she may be totally manipulative as a person.
You have his side of the story, it would be best to have an honest conversation with her and get her side of the story. If you ask her about it and she says she can't remember, that can be a way of avoiding it but it doesn't matter, there are other things you can ask based on how she feels right now. Ask her how she would feel if she knew your conversation with your boyfriend had affected your trust in her. Ask her if she was ever interested in your boyfriend. See what she says, and also look at how she reacts. That might give you the information you need.
Also, if you are going to speak to her about it, it is best if you let your boyfriend know that you want to discuss this with her, as he shared this information with you in confidance, and it will affect things between them.
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