A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I'm a confident person, but whe it comes to women and relationships, I'm awful.I've tried, and I've tried, and I've tried to be confident around women I'm attracted to (even when I fake it) but I always blow it when it comes to the date. A few girls hat I'm friends with say that dates are a bit old fashioned. What am I suppose to do then. Just not ever have a relationship with a women!My questions are how do I build my confidence with women (faking it not included) and what do I do instead of going on a date?
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male
reader, danny_zeco +, writes (31 October 2007):
Just be yourself, i know it seems hard but talking to woman should just be as easy as talking to anyone else, once you realise that you should get along much better with them and be more successful, as you talk to more woman, your confidence will grow.
A
male
reader, legacy  +, writes (31 October 2007):
How do you feel about yourself? How do you feel when you imagine yourself being with a woman? Talking to her ... getting closer to her...feel her... how do you feel by then? If you don't feel good about yourself and accept yourself who you are - you will be along time alone. O.K. wise words from my wife. She's so smart, she married me afterall. But really you can spend some time by yourself just imagining your next meeting with a girl. Use a notebook and jot down what happens between you and "her." Find the stuck parts for you, don't judge yourself just write. Then go out again and with a different girl. What happens? Write it down, not word for word just the stuck parts you know when it's like "What do I do next?" Write down or tell yourself something positive too, like I looked good on that date. Practice makes perfect.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): OK, I'm confused, why are dates now old fashioned? What do you do if you don't have dates? Go straight to bed without passing date. Just go to parties. I know I have been out of the scene for 25 years, but what replaced dating? Is this just a British thing, or is it the same in the US also?
As Karlos said, start with the small talk and build on these conversations. Fine, but don't you eventually get to the point that you ask her out on a date? How else do you get to know someone one on one?
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A
female
reader, Strippa +, writes (30 October 2007):
 First of all stop thinking so much lol, take it a little easier on yourself so what if your useless around women - you don't have to be perfect -
i don't think dating is old fashioned in terms of sharing an experience with somone wether that is having a drink riding horses it is a great way of getting to know somone - i would try doing an activity with somone because after "doind somthing" you have somthing in common! you both just went skating for the first time or you both went riding or so on.... the sexiest thing in a man is if he knows himself warts n all - why don't you start the conversation by saying -"its times like these i wish i was good with women - be honest with them but not to the point of pity use humour instaed... good luck you x
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A
male
reader, Karlos Omnis +, writes (30 October 2007):
 I expect your problem originates from you viewing women as a different entity (it's the same problem I sufferred from).
Just generate small talk popular topics include music interests, hobbies with random girls when you have a "bail out card" (by this I mean an excuse to leave the area).
Gradually build on these smaller encounters with greater conversations, you'll make a few good friends along the way.
Don't concern yourself if it doesn't go swimmingly straight away, it's all about trial and error.
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