A
female
age
41-50,
*atnip
writes:Me and partner live and work together and we are expecting our first baby, our home is next to the place we work , we work in a school. I moved in a few months ago and everything is good and we are happy about the baby etc.My partner works with another man who i don't have any issues with however my partner takes this man home at lunctimes and this week even started making him lunch and one day the guy didn't come back to the house but my partner made him and sandwich and took it back for the guy. Now i am not a tight , selfish person but i am really uncomfortable about this and feel we do not go and buy food to feed others all the time. There ended up being no bread left cos we fed this guy.Now i also feel that mixing work colleagues with home is not a good idea and feel that it is important to have bounderies. I feel that i do not have any privacy and would prefer it if people from work didn't come into my home all the time. Because its not like we have invited someone over for a meal , it is like they are here all the time and its a free for all to come in all the time. I do not have an issue with this guy personally however i do slightly feel he is unboundaried, for example one weekend me and my partner went away and he asked this guy to stay and feed the cats we told him we would be going about 4pm and he came to collect the keys in the morning before work. Now he then started coming back and forth to the house all day whilst we were prepering to go away and didn't even knock just let himself in as he had the key, the first time i was in my underwear and got a shock. Now i have spoken to my partner and have said i would prefer to keep people from work separate from home and would prefer it if they didn't come home. I am not being controlling my partner has his out of work friends and family come over and go out and does his own thing and i do not have any issues with this. I just feel that as we work so close to home i need some bounderies and want to come home and shut work away. I feel i cannot relax and also being pregnant i feel that i will be at home with the baby and people are going to be coming and going. I am a really private person and wanted to create a safe little home for the three of us and i feel its a doss house and alot of these people at work are very unboundaried. is this understandable
View related questions:
at work, moved in, underwear Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2015): I am exactly like you! Your home is your place to retreat, and your partner needs to understand that now he shares his home with you he needs to respect how you feel about his habits of allowing people to doss around. Someone letting themselves in with the key before you've even left?! I would've been astounded, and probably pretty angry!
You need to talk to him and establish some boundaries xx
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (24 July 2015):
 I think you need to stand up to your partner, and have a serious talk about this.
Having friends/colleagues pop round occasionally is one thing, providing a daily packed lunch is something else entirely!
The food costs will all add up - over the course of a week/month, that is money that could be being saved for when your baby arrives.
He also needs to understand that your home is your personal space, and that there are boundaries - people just cannot walk in unannounced. What if you had been in the bath, or in a position where you were scared and slipped or had an accident because a strange man suddenly appeared in your house?
When the baby arrives, do you want potential strangers having access to your home?
You need to put your foot down (calmly and politely), I might changed the locks too.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2015): They are obviously close friends. Surely that's a good thing. An extra loaf of bread every week is not going to break the bank. I'd say let it go RE the food.
As for your private space. I understand where you are coming from. But the problem is you 'moved in' to a situation that already existed. They had already established that It's ok for the friend to be around all the time.
Baby is a good excuse to say no unannounced visitors. You will be too tired to have the guy hovering around.
...............................
|
