A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok please help me based on these facts...........* I am 28 years old* I have been with my 45 year old boyfriend for 5 years* We haven't slept together in over 2 months because I don't feel attracted to him in that way anymore - I could kiss and cuddle him all day, but anything more feels awkward to me now. When he asked me about it I just said I wasn't "into it" that much anymore, and blamed my libido, although I know it is fine... I know I shouldn't have sugar coated.* I don't know if I want to marry or have kids with him* Lately I feel like I want to be single again, to have some MAJOR me time, butI do love him and love spending time with him. He is an amazing man.... and the thought of hurting him tears my heart out.I don't know what to do and I can't stand it. Please some advice!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): Hello, I'm a 30 year old female and I've been with my 51 year old boyfriend for almost 3 years now. I've been feeling the same way towards him for quite awhile now, but unlike your boyfriend, mine isn't such a great guy, yet the thought of breaking up and being alone scares me to death. Be strong, not weak like me by remaining in an unsatisfactory relationship, it's not fair to either of you.~Take Care
A
female
reader, SweetSerendipity  +, writes (30 March 2009):
Like Satin said, it probably has nothing to do with the age difference.
After 5 years of being with him is there something that you think is missing in this relationship? For instance, were you expecting [subconsciously perhaps?) something more? Or less? Many of the failed relationship eventually boils down to a few essential reasons, "not meeting needs" as an example. That "need" is of course different to different people.
For instance, need to be married (in order to have children)m or need to hear the L words (without being prodded) often, or need to have equal opportunity in having a professional career, or as "simple" as need to have more sex. Even these needs, can be further interpreted to find a the fundamental or underlying issue. While communication is important in any relationship (between friends, between partners, or even with parents), people do change over time - as people absorb the plethora of knowledge (or "things") that surround us everyday - and as we make choices everyday.
If you want to know yourself "why" for every "I want to" that you feel or want to say. When you have exhausted every possible answer for each concept to which you can challenge with the question "why", then it is very possible that you have found your own underlying issue. Then you can calmly and clearly talk to your boyfriend because you know exactly what you want or need. The next step is, you will already know yourself by then.
The key word is of course, you need to be true and honest with yourself. But don't worry, if you are a bit confused yourself when you are doing this, that is fine too. That's what therapists and psychologists are for, to help you if you need to.
Good luck!
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