A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a similar situation except I'm actually married to the balding guy. We knew each other for eight years before we married and he actually showed signs of balding the year he popped the question. It was not much hair loss and I thought to myself that it should not matter if I really love him. Truth be told, his hair loss progressed steadily since then. I'm not against bald men, actually I find some bald guys very sexy. I just do not think the balding suits my husband. His head and face are very big and his head is very flat at the back, plus his ears stick out. So even if he shaves off all of his hear all you see is a big head and big ears. He also has scars from his acne on his face so his face is very pitty. What really gets me though is that I asked him to see a professional about his hair loss a few years before we married but he refused. He said that I was shallow and he did nothing and it just got worse. Like you I want to feel different, I want to be attracted to him. But I am not. I do still love him but I hardly ever want to kiss him or even make love. I just find him that unattractive. Now I am even seeing phsical flaws in him I never saw before. I keep trying to see pass it and I wonder if I am shallow. I've asked hom to try to get dermabrasion or get a wig or even build a little muscle to see if that would stimulate some attration but he is not intersted. He has more important things to do right now in his life he says. Honestly, if I knew I would feel this way now, I probably would not have gotten married. It is so bad that I am not taking my health seiously and am starting to pack on the pounds. I figure if he does not want to look his best for me, why should I look good for him. I know this is wrong and is dangerous for my health but I feel so depressed about the situation. At least you can try and see if you get over it and you are free to leave the relationship if you don't, but I am basically stuck. Who ever heard of a divorce on the grounds of their husband balding? I wish there was a way out. Any advice?
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male
reader, Hardey Leone +, writes (21 December 2013):
Thanks for your brave post. I think many people are be nasty to you! OMG. You can't help it if this is how you feel. How dare they tell you how you should feel. F___ them!
If you can't deal with your husband be honest to him and you. Leave and start over again before you both get really hurt! x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): Whoa,Let's cover some ground rules.Physical attraction is important, granted it isn't taken out of context. It does not domineer love, and if it did, hold on to your hat; because the most profound concept humans have pontificated and puzzled about for centuries is thus related to how thickly you cake your make-up. The catch: this is applied (no pun intended) daily. But on a more serious note: perhaps the case is such that you have issues with your husband unrelated to the baldness, but have made that the central focus, because you don't want to blame him or yourself directly.Not to get all Freud on you, but I think that you will be happy when what you want and what you need is the same, and you have far too much want; and are criticizing a person you need (and whom needs you) in a public forum because you want Fabio, and he wants love. Disgusting really.I can't believe, its not butter.... but why on earth, would you marry someone you would think is a "butterface" in a sense anyway. You met this man, dated this man, wrote the story of your young life with this man, and then you both signed it in a contract, and you have the audacity to criticize him for losing hair (as the majority of men do by about age 45) ah, you blame him for your weight gain too nonetheless! You shouldn't be defended and you shouldn't be sympathized with. If you are going to highlight this fact about your LIFE PARTNER to criticize on an internet blog, to beseech the help of those who will sympathize because your husband isn't here to defend himself: that is a disgusting thing.Love is a petal on the flower of hope, which is found on the stem of acceptance, which first spreads its leaves from the vine of humility. IF I can open a Maxim Magazine, and go to the centerfold and say "Eh, I have seen better," I will assert it is on that premise, that your childish blame game and shallow actions will forever prevent you from any meaningful endeavor the laymen call "love."SO...Go watch Moulin Rouge or something... maybe idolize the phantasmagorical love in media, as opposed to the attractive people who are head cases in the "People" mag.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 June 2009):
 Wow, I'm sorry if that is a turn off.
Look at Seal, Heidi Klum's husband. Bald and scars on his face, but he sure is hot.
Let him go - he deserve a women who loves him lock, stock and barrel. Hair no hair.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): God made only a few perfect heads, the rest he covered with hair. Think of it more as a solar panel for a sex machine than a bald head.
It's a genetic thing caused by the amount of testosterone going round his system. You'll also find that bald men tend to have hairy chests whereas hirsute men generally tend not to.
Bald men make better lovers too and get good discounts at the barber's shop. They don't cost quite so much in shampoo and hair conditioner either.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 June 2009):
 Divorce is my advice, works for you, works for him. By the way, my husband has been as bald as a baby's butt for around 30 years and I wouldn't have it any other way.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (22 June 2009):
 What I meant to say in my last post is,
You don't have to be physically perfect in order for someone to be physically attracted to you.
Wouldn't it be ridiculous if the marriage vows read, "To love, honor, and cherish as long as neither one of us has hair loss/weight issues/stretch marks?"
I hate it when people are thrown away like garbage because they age and their appearance changes. I'm not trying to be mean, but it seems like you don't really love him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): shallow , vain, conceited. thats you. the others have said it all. pity you did not send through a photograpgh of yourself. wonder whether the criticism is justified.
plse tell yur hb- flaunt it if he's got it or faunt it anyway, who cares. life is just too precious to be bothered by the lack of hair.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): Yes, I think you are hopelessly shallow and I don't agree that it is human nature to feel this way and that if you aren't sexually attracted you should just leave.
You have deeper issues that have nothing to do with your husbands appearance. It sounds like he hasn't packed on the pounds and his hair loss is not his fault and his acne pits were there when you married him.
You are a shallow person and you think you deserve a more physically perfect mate, so do your husband a favor and set him free and good luck finding a man who will not age for you, who will not get a pot belly or loose some hair.
You disgust me, sorry, I have no sympathy for your plight. If you loved the guy, it would not matter, he would be beautiful in your eyes. WE ALL AGE, we all will look old and like the Velveteen Rabit we will look ragged. This will be our badge of honor. The wrinkles we will have will be from laughing from a lifetime filled with joy, our hair will be loved off, of skin will be saggy, our muscles slack, our gait will be halted, but if our mind and spirit are in tact then our soul will be apparent to those who know and have loved us deeply.
You my dear have no idea what love is.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): I don't think you are being shallow in wanting an attractive mate. Men have no qualms about complaining when their mates are overweight. Being attractive is a very important aspect of a relationship.I think you feel that you're being taken for granted. This is what really pains you. You asked him to seek professional help and he ignored you. He's probably not communicating with you very well either.I think you should start feeling better about yourself. Lose the pounds and become more attractive to yourself. Watch your confidence and inner happiness improve. The look on other men's eyes as they stride past you will get his attention. When he starts to realize that he may lose you he'll realize that he'd better shape up or be prepared to be shipped out.You're under 30. You have so much future ahead of you.In the end, a relationship is about how your partner makes you feel when you are with him. How do you feel about him now?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): You should get a divorce if you don't love him or ask him to wear a wig for you at your house. The questions you need to answer:Will it be better for you to leave him?Will he find someone better that will love bald him for all of his baldness?Will you be enticed enough to cheat on him to the point where you would actually do it?Are you sure you won't look back and miss him when you won't be able to fix it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): I always feels sorry for women who are being criticized and thrown aside because they've had children and are saggy and/or scarred from the pregnancy.. or they get older and gravity gets the best of their breasts and butt.
I've never seen this coming from a woman however.
Just remember, that love is supposedly unconditional. He was balding when you married him and you took the vow.
This is really your call. But I do wish you luck finding a man who won't experience any hair loss as he gets older.
~SY.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (20 June 2009):
The key words here are: "if I really love him."
Do you truly love him?
Love can overcome everything, but if you truly don't love him, then there is no point in staying with him. If you truly love him, then saving the marriage is worth a try.
I think that in marriage it's inevitable that one or both of you will have second thoughts or regrets. In Runaway Bride when Julia Roberts tells Richard Ghere that, "There will be times when we both want out" when she's proposing marriage to him. I know it's just a movie, but the perfect marriage that NEVER has any rough spots... that exists only in fairy tales.
Whether or not the relationship is worth fighting for, depends on whether or not there is mutual love.
You can't blame your husband for the fact that you're neglecting your appearance.
There needs to be confidence, trust, and communication. Tell your husband that you would be more attracted to him if he changed the things he could change.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (20 June 2009):
 Of course you can divorce your husband if you don't want the relationship to continue. Truth be told, however, some day you'll go very fat, or your boobs will sag, and you will see the other side of the coin.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): Male pattern balding is not realistically stoppable regardless of whether he had gone to a doctor years ago or not.
In a best-case scenario he would have started taking 1-3 expensive drugs (permanent ongoing commmitment to them) and slowed down the loss some. Any regrowth of hair that is already lost is not a realistic goal in the long term. And the drug that is most effective of the 3 causes sexual/hormonal side effects in a number of its users.
Balding men are just screwed. They don't have any truly practical and realistic options for even keeping all their remaining hair, let alone reversing the loss. The science to beat this has been "almost there" for decades.
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