A
female
age
30-35,
*utiepiesensei
writes:So here's the deal: I've been with my boyfriend for a year and I love him so much! He treats me like a queen, is caring, and I can't go a day without thinking about him. I like doing physical things with him as well as just talking to him because he is like my best friend. We have all of the same interests, he told me he loves me, and he even talks about getting married sometimes. Now what's the problem? My issue is, I'm not as physically attracted to him I would like to be. I find myself still looking at other guys' bodies and occasionally fantasizing. Now don't get me wrong, my boyfriend isn't ugly or anything; especially when he gets a nice haircut he has the nicest face and he has great shoulders.......even a nice back shape actually. But he needs to lose a good 25 lbs. I don't want him to be skinny or anything, he doesn't have that kind of build. But I feel he would look HOT and his self esteem would be so much higher. I've subtly tried to get him to work out more, and he has, but he's only half assing it. He's not really trying to lose the weight. I don't know what to do about this because I feel like if he just lost some weight I'd be 10 times more physically attracted to him. I still love him regardless, but I just want to have a boyfriend I like ogling occasionally, who will actually take their shirt off during sex, and allow me to feel their body as he feels mine. My thing is, I know he's self conscious about his weight too so I haven't been harsh on him, but he's not doing anything to change it!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Be careful what you ask for...he may change his appearance, become 'hot' and leave you on the curb.
If you want him to work out more go to the gym with him.
A
female
reader, jbdream3 +, writes (19 January 2011):
 My boyfriend is overweight and he smokes. I used to smoke, but I quit because I had a Breast Cancer scare. You can occasionally remind him about exercising and telling him the health benefits of doing so, but it's best not to constantly bring it up to him because you may come across as too overbearing and he may tell you to stop acting like his mother. I may point out to my boyfriend about his weight issue and his cigarette smoking once in a while, especially since his father died from Cancer and he was a smoker too and he has an open mind to my concerns about it, but I don't keep nagging him every time I see him. You can't force somebody to do something no matter how much you mean well and how much it's in their best interest. You could lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it. As far as your physical intimacies with him, even if you just hold hands or have your arms around each other is physical enough. Don't rush into going any further with a whole lot of intimacy if you are not ready for it. Take it slow and relax. Just a sweet hug and a kiss is affectionate enough for the two of you and then the rest of it will most likely come down the road, if you are still together. Being physical doesn't just determine how strong your relationship is or will be. It takes time. Don't push it or rush into anything. Let nature take it's course.
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A
male
reader, foolishsage +, writes (19 January 2011):
 You can't make someone change if they aren't up for it or ready for it. And even then, they need to change something about their self for their sake and not for the liking of anyone else.
Ask yourself if he doesn't take his shirt off because he's uncomfortable about his weight in general or if it's because he feels that you aren't attracted to him because of it and he's trying to cover himself up from scrutiny.
I mean, it makes perfect sense in a way - I was together with this one girl that if she lost 20 lbs, she'd have been a knockout, but she was still very pretty and I was still very attracted to her. But you see that potential there and you want to have that. Human nature - it's all good.
However, his weight is about him. Has he said outwardly that he wants to lose the weight himself or do you think that he maybe is feeling pushed or that he may feel that he isn't physically attractive enough for you? I know it may seem like semantics, but it really makes all the difference in the world.
If HE is having self-esteem issues, then ask him what it is that's bothering him and help him come up with solutions - and most importantly, ones that you can be supportive with. Fun things - things that you can do with him. If it is his weight, then maybe you can both go hiking together or play some tennis on occasion or go for more walks or if he wants to change his diet, make it an interesting thing and make it fun - perhaps find a good ratatouille recipe and a nice bottle of wine with candle light for dinner to make a change of diet more fun and exciting.
Just some ideas. It sounds like you care about him alot and just want it to be completely perfect and I can't blame you for that, but anything with his weight has to come from him wanting to change it, you can only be there to help if in fact he does.
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