A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm so upset. I was supposed to be going out with this guy, and he replied to a comment i sent him on his facebook page saying " I can't believe it. I have no cash. They haven't processed my claim. I have to sit alone, in my new home ". Then he wrote another comment saying " The first date i have in ten years and i can't make it ". I'm not sure what claim he means ( it might be housing benefit or jobseeker's allowance or something ), but i think this is an excuse. I could have treated him, and it doesn't necessarily cost much to go out anyway. Should i write back to him, or should i just leave it ?. I think it's strange that he told me that it was the first date he was supposed to have in ten years, and i'm quite upset and annoyed that he has put it as a comment, and not as a private message, and he also has my number, so he could have called me saying that. He has just moved house today, so i guess he is busy with that too. I'd like to see if he could meet another time, but i'm worried that he will keep making excuses. I'd like to ask him if he could call me later, but i don't know if he would.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012): No I'd wait for a date and until you get to know this man better first. You're right that it's a risk, a huge risk and all you have to do to avoid it is wait it out.I'm going to be honest, this guy sounds a little shady. First he cancels a date in an extremely odd way and now he immediately wants you to come over to his house? I wouldn't do it. Even if his intentions aren't that sinister, I strongly suspect that he'll be all over you and pressuring you for sex.Just find a way to have a normal few dates with this guy and get to know him, either by offering to pay or going on free dates such as a walk in the park. It may well be that he can't be bothered with dates/relationships at all and this will show you his true colours and what he was after.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): Here's an update. I sent him a private message last night saying that it was a shame that we couldn't meet, and that we could meet again sometime if he wanted, and i said i hoped he liked his new home. He sent me a private message back today giving me his address, and then he said " shame on me for not knowing my pay days. sorry ( my name ). don't run off with the circus in the meantime. lol ! ". Do you think he's trying to hint that he wants me to go to his house ?. I thought he might be since he said yesterday that he would be all alone in his new home. I'm quite tempted to go to his house, as it could be relaxing having a chat there, and obviously that doesn't cost anything, but i know it might not be safe since i don't know him very well. I can't really invite him to my place as i live with my mum and brother, and i guess it's better if we have privacy. If i had my own place, i would have invited him , and that would have been better, as, if there was a problem, i could tell him to leave. Do you think he would have given me his address though if he wasn't safe to be around ?. I guess i could either give one of my family members his address so that they know where i am, or they could even drop me off there, so they know exactly where the house is if there is any problem. He lives in the same town as me, so it shouldn't take them too long to get there if there is a problem. I could also suggest having a coffee with him or lunch or looking around the shops in town ( not necessarily buying anything from the shops ). I have been to guys houses before when i haven't known them that well, and yes they have made moves on me before, but when i have asked them to stop , they have. I know it's a risk though. I'm glad he has got back to me though and that he apologised. What did he mean by " don't run off with the circus in the meantime " though ?.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): If I were you I wouldn't contact him first and I'd wait and see if he gets in contact again as it does seem a rather dramatic way to cancel a date.
If he does get in contact and his reasons are genuine then offer to pay yourself or suggest a date that doesn't cost anything. Although i wouldn't post it on Facebook as that looks a bit desperate especially if he is just looking for any excuse to cancel.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): this could be something genuine, but in my personal experience, I've had a guy ask me out and then cancel three or four times, saying things like he couldn't afford it, he was sick, he had to do this, or something came up... he would ask me out again each time, but the date never eventuated and I just gave up in the end, and ended all contact with him, I never did figure out what his problem was. So i guess, proceed cautiously, see if this is going to become a regular pattern, or if it was some sort of weird, one off mistake that he genuinely was sorry about. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): "He tells me through facebook that we can't go out because he has no cash??"
And you DIDN'T tell him you'd pay?
"The first date i have in ten years and i can't make it."
And you still DIDN'T tell him you'd pay?
"I'd like to see if he could meet another time, but i'm worried that he will keep making excuses."
Don't give him a reason to make excuses, tell him you'll pay.
"I'd like to ask him if he could call me later, but i don't know if he would." He'll call back in seconds once he knows you'll pay.
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