A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 8 months and we've been living together for almost 2 months. I love him very much, and we get along great. I really believe that he might even be the one I spend the rest of my life with... except for one problem. I'm no longer interested in sex. At the beginning of our relationship, we'd have sex quite often, almost every night we saw eachother, and it was ME who always initiated it! I suppose it's natural for the frequency of sex to decrease as a relationship gets older and more routine, but now I really don't have any interest at all.We still have sex, but it's down to about once every two weeks or so, and it's only for his sake. Once we get into it, I can enjoy it a little, but I still want it to be over asap, and I don't get a fraction of the pleasure I used to. I'll admit that it's never been the most exciting sex, but I don't think that he's the root of the issue. It's not just sex with HIM that puts me off, its all sex together. I don't fantasize about other men, and I don't even masturbate at all anymore (I used to do it kinda frequently).If it matters, I've had other boyfriends before, and pleanty more sexual partners.Besides the sex, our relationship seems otherwise very healthy. We kiss a lot, cuddle, laugh, talk about everything, text eachother all day at work, and never fight. He's obviously noticed the change, and we've talked a little about it. He's open to 'spicing things up,' but nothing piques my interest.I've utterly lost my sex drive, and I don't know why or what to do! My boyfriend has been very sweet and understanding thus far, but I'm worried it'll eventualy ruin our relationship.Any insight would be much appreciated.
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female
reader, StephSaigon  +, writes (5 November 2010):
I don't know if you'll still receive replies to this thread, but I was wondering what the final outcome of your problem was? I ask because I am in EXACTLY the same situation myself at the moment - with the man who is PERFECT for me in every way, except that now I just don't seem interested in sex at all, and it's not his fault because when we DO have sex it is really good and I'm always satisfied and he makes sure of that.
I would just really like to know if you resolved the problem, or if ultimately the relationship failed because of this? I'm considering going to psychosexual therapy to try and do everything in my power to stop my relationship failing. At the moment it just seems quite stressful - how can you spend the rest of your life with someone who after ONE YEAR you don't want to have sex with? Surely that's not normal.
Any feedback would be appreciated.
A
female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (21 July 2009):
 Are you on any new medication? the pill? sometimes these things can affect your sex drive!Maybe your stressed about something in life. Talk to him let him know how you are feeling and that you want to get back to how you was before.....it could be a rough patch alot of couples go thru them....you need to see if its a mental issue with you or its just what hes doing is not turning you on....try some new things see if that helps....if not maybe talk to your doctor see why your sex drive has gone!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): You say that otherwise your relationship is good, and that's really positive news. Maybe sex isn't such a big deal for your boyfriend anymore either, so you're well matched.
Other couples aren't as fortunate. My wife lost her sex drive completely after our children were born, and that really upset me. I hated begging her for sex, so in the end I gave up and we spent more than 10 years living separate lives in the same house before getting divorced.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): Are you taking any medication? My wife used to be on the pill and very much not into sex. Pill stopped when we wanted kids and I got a whole new person. Look online for the side effects of all of the medication you are taking. I said online because not necessarily all side effects are listed. If one of them says, "Not wanting sex in your life is a natural side effect". Bam, you know the answer.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (21 July 2009):
 What kind of sexual chemistry have you had with your b/f in this relationship? I have a theory, women tend to settle down with men who feel "safe". They are trustworthy, nice, thoughtful, predictable. The next thing you know, your sex drive does a disappearing act. Is there a connection, I suspect there is. But just to be sure, see your doctor. If you've recently gotten on the pill the change in your hormones might be to blame. A physical exam could reveal other factors, such as stress, responsibilities, too much pressure on yourself could be causing you to over-think the whole thing. Whatever it is, I hope it passes. Because the men that typically make our eyes roll back into our heads are usually disasterous in relationships. Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): Well at least he's understanding of this & it's a good thing that you two do intimate things without the actual "sex act". Like the other person said, look at things that might be going on in your life right now & see if that could be affecting you. Or even if you have to you could seek a little professional help, ask your doctor about it to see if it's a health thing. And it is normal sometimes for some people to lose their sexual drive, but with your age range-you are a little too young for that. Look up some other things on the internet that pertain to this problem. It'll get better though & you have the support of your boyfriend, so it'll work out...good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): It might be a phase and your body reacting to something else going on in your life. Look at your life and see what has changed in it besides the appetite for sex. Could there be a new job in the picture? Something that takes up all your thoughts? You might think about taking a weekend or week off to yourself and be alone and relax, have a vacation. That would give you peace to think and relax.
Anyway, sex drives change and people are different. It happens. Let him know your sex drive is low right now, so that he understands you're not turned off by him or that something is wrong with him. Maybe he can help you. But in the end only you can figure out what to do. Are you content the way it is, and he is too: then you can wait it out and see what happens. If it bothers you and him too much, take some time off to sort your thoughts and work on it.
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