A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi ,,ive been with my partner for 4 years,, im 20 hes 26 and we have a 1 year old! tings are ussually great between us, but when it comes to in the bedroom ,, i never seem in the mood anymore, i know i could be if he tried more i think i dont no how to explain this o him,, i always say im tired or something, i dont no why i feel like it towards him i do love him but feel fed up in the bedroom, how do i explain this to him without hurting his feelings and how long do you think i will feel like this. it dont feel like phase please help xx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): Well first of all you have a 1 year old. Of course you are tired and don't want sex. You have a constant reminder hanging around that sex often leads to more responsibility in your life. However...A loving partnership means that sometimes you both make compromises. I'm sure he wants sex everyday, perhaps twice a day. As a guy in his early twenties he needs to cum 3-4 times a day. I bet you didn't know that. Most women don't. If you women knew how often guys masturbate, you would be stunned. You probably don't think so, but he is already compromising by not trying to fuck you 4 times a day. In his mind he is holding back and making concessions. However, as a woman, you probably think sex every day is too much and more than he needs. You would be wrong.So, here is your dilemma. You don't want sex, he wants more sex than you can give him and he believes that he is already making concessions over this. What is the logical progression here? He will become resentful of you and will figure that if he cannot fuck you then he will find someone else to fuck. After all, in his mind, this is your doing.You can either bite the bullet and let him ride you a few times a week, or he will go and ride someone else. Give him a hand job if you don't want to fuck. And...don't listen to any BS from other respondants about him exercising self control. We are all biological animals and men are driven by a strong sex drive. It cannot be controlled without consequences.
A
male
reader, Ifyoudontmind  +, writes (26 August 2009):
Sex is a very narrow road, there are only so many options. And typically in a committed relationship you sort of adhere to a routine. You know, as in, you kiss foreplay ect.
Now, the best way to rekindle that giddiness for lack of a better term, try to slip in bits of variety. Different locations, Spontaneity is key. Try being more passionate, a slow caress or an intimate massage, a shower together, a jacuzzi bath.
Just think of how the relationship was in the early conception, dont just stick to intimacy in the bedroom alone. Physical contact at random like while watching tv, just try to interlace variety.
Dont let monotony ruin your relationship.
-iydm
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