A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a crush on this coworker, who I have known for nearly a year now. The problem is that because I only started liking her a few months ago, we were already friends. She gives me all the signs of liking me but I think its just her way of showing that she cares for me as a really good 'friend'.We've hung out alone together twice. One of these times we spent half a day together, shared out personal stories, both seemed to feel comfortable with each other. We seemed to click. I want to ask her to hang out like that again next week but I still get nervous. She still doesn't seem like a friend, but like a crush even after I've accepted that shes only a friend. I have a good time with her but asking her to just hang out the two of us makes me nervous, even though I'm totally fine in doing that with my other girl friends. What should I do?P.S - it may have something to do with her telling me not to be clingy. We got into talking relationships last week and since she's pretty experienced and I'm not she started asking me what kind of girls I prefer etc. Then she told me not to be clingy when I get into a relationship. Somehow, I couldn't help thinking that she was talking about me and her, even though we hardly see each other outside of work. Maybe I'm overanalyzing?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Ah, that makes it clearer. She may have had a clingy boyfriend at one time, so was warning you not to do that when you get into a relationship, as you said.
Based on what you've written, keep hanging out with her. See if you can raise your dateability quotient be having at least one of your female coworker think you are attractive. Try not to laugh at every joke she makes and make her work a little to earn your attention. Don't be mean or aloof, just be busy.
Are you friends on a social media site? Put up pictures of you doing athletic things. Like action shots of you cycling or hiking or sailing. Try to look masculine, not goofing around.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply. Well its retail so its not a very big detail, and I am waiting to tell her how I really feel until I quit. Right now I'm just hoping maybe when we hang out that something will happen and it won't be necessary. And yes, I hope things will be made easier because she is experienced and knows that I'm in to her.
Also, about previous relationships, I told her that i've never had a serious relationship before, and that i'm a relative amateur when it comes to that. So maybe thats why she gave me that advice?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 July 2011):
It's not a good sign, her telling you not to get clingy. How did she arrive at that conclusion, anyway? What did you tell her about your previous relationships? Maybe she is seeing something in you that caused her to warn you, maybe she doesn't want you to get too attached to her.
If she is experienced and aware, she probably knows you like her. How would that make you feel?
And is it really a good idea for you to date a co-worker? It can be really tough to manage the minefield of that, especially if things don't work out.
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