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female
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anonymous
writes: I have got myself in a mess. I'm 18, and have been with my boyfriend 2 years but I don't love him. He's not my type of lad. But he's so caring and loves me so much. I have cheated throughout the relationship, and now things have got worse. I finished with the bloke I was having a affair with, but now seem to be hiding away in my room arguing with my boyfriend and going out with my friends every Friday and Saturday. That's where the big problem started. I met another lad who I was flirting with and pissed up one night. I went back with him and now he thinks we're together. He's a violent man and always fighting and kicking off and I feel scared to tell him where he stands in case he batters my boyfriend, as he as threatened to do so already. I really need some advice as I can't just up and leave and move on cos I've moved away from my family and friends and have nowhere to go and stay. My head is really messed up about this as I don't mean to hurt anyone but yet can't stop myself. I'm a good looking blonde girl and get lots of attention but it seems I long for more and it winds up everybody getting hurt. Please help x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2006): Very simple resolution:1. Leave your caring loving boyfriend now2. Get your own job, pay for your own things3. Go out and have lots of fun until you are ready to settle down and find someone who you may loveI mean you told us you cheated many times. What type of people would dish out respectful advice to you and wish you luck at the same time?!?! (No offense Dazzerg - not referring to you, just saying in general here.) Look, you are obviously enjoying what you do and feeling guilty about it, but ultimately, you will continue to do this until you finally explosively have satisfied your libido or until you're dead, or you find the man of your dreams. Yes, I am harsh, but not nearly as bad as what you're doing. Cheating! Holy shit! CHEATING MANY TIMES TOO! So dishonorable!
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (20 February 2006):
 This is tricky for sure. Looking at this from the outside I don't see how you can avoid somebody getting hurt to be honest, you may well in a situation where the best you can do is damage limitation to be honest. Sorry.
I wonder if part of you likes the stability and security offered by your b/f but part of you isn't ready for that commitment. Try not to be too hard on yourself, I know that is easy for me to say and I know you have done wrong in most people's eyes but you are only human and everybody messes up from time to time. You say 'everybody gets hurt' and that seems to include you. Self-torture will get you nowhere now, it will just confuse you even more.
I think now maybe the time to come clean with your b/f. At least then he can be prepared for anything this guy may throw at him and can protect himself. Given how this other guy is it is probably only a matter of time before he decides to tell your b/f anyways. Better that he hears from you than him. Even if he doesnt it is only a matter of time before you are found out. Tell the other guy where he stands; but take a friend with you, preferably male and be prepared to go to the police if necessary.
You say that you friends you go out with, before you do anything approach them and ask them if the worse comes to the worse if you can crash at there's for a while. Explain what is happening and you will find your close and true friends will do everything to help. Be prepared to make a fresh start if necessary. Its gonna be hard but i wish you all the luck in the world. I really hope this helps, take care.
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