A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, ive never written to one of these before but right now i could do with some advice.I have been on and off with my boyfriend for a couple of years, main reason being he is too attached to his wife/ex wife.Long story short i just cant cope with this unhappy situation anymore. He has been living with me for 6 months and promised me he will get divorce in motion on many occasions. Needless to say its all just talk to keep me sweet. Thats not the only promise he has made as he is really good and making them but rubbish at keeping them.Once again today he has let me down and im just sitting here so fed up.I feel he is using me for somewere to stay so he doesnt have to pay for an apartment etc and use my car to go see his kids.I believe he loves me sometimes but other times i just feel taken for granted.He is just way too attached to the ex for my liking. I sat down today and made a list of what im gaining from this relationship and what im losing. The latter seemed to be alot longer.The problem i have is that as i said its been ano on off relationship and ive always been talked around because im lonely. I dont really have real friends as they just want to go out drinking etc whilst id much rather put money to better use.He has been my first real adult relationship-we are quite close and it scares me to be without him, however i do stress i am miserable in this relationship.How do i pluck up the courage to go alone? Has anyone had this problem who can give me some real strong advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (5 April 2012):
 Good luck, you'll be just fine.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012): Hi, thankyou so much for all of your good advice. I feel alot more possitive after reading all of that. Ive managed all day with my phone off (which is an acheivement for me) and kept busy with relatives etc.
Heres to my first night of single life....plenty more to come. Thanks once againxx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 April 2012):
Sorry I agree, I think he thinks of you as more of a convenience than anything else. What you need to do is take a deep breath and send him packing. Tell him to look you up after he gets his divorce but not until then. Then you find ways to stay busy, join clubs, organizations, just be out there meeting people. Force yourself if you have to, but most likely it will only be at first. Slowly as your network grows you will start enjoying your life again. Get started on living.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 April 2012):
 Hi there
anyone stuck in a dead end relationship will relate to this situation Thing is you do not have to put up with him in your home You will feel alot more confident after you have given him his marchin orders.
You got along before he was in your life & you know you were happier before he came along. just do it be firm its your space & you need it back You will feel so much better after hes gone
Then you can move on to building a new life with new intrests to fill your time & meet like minded people Your not the only person who doesnt want to get drunk & party So heres to you & your new future xxx
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (4 April 2012):
It's just something you have to do. There's no easy way of doing it but this time you have to make sure it's final.You say you'd rather use your money on things other than drinking, which is absolutely fine, but at times like this you need your friends around you.If that means going out with them occasionally drinking, it can do no harm.To move on, you need to be strong minded (he has had enough chances) and you need to keep yourself busy.Yes there will be hard times and times where you could be vulnerable to be talked around due to loneliness, but these are the times you must stand firm and say no.If you end it and give in again, then you will be in the same position again in a few months time.
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