A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi maybe I can get some help here. I feel very miserable lately. For a lot of different reasons really, nothing in particular.I'm 22. I live with my mother and step father. My step father and I just don't really get along. He has his issues and isn't the nicest person I guess you could say. I would love to have my own place to have peace and quiet, but can't afford that. I work at a job I'm not happy at, but I have to stay so I can make money to support myself. I don't even make good money.I can't really just switch jobs. I often feel like I'm not living, just surviving. I've been having weight problems for the past year or so, and I'm so uncomfortable with my body. Losing weight is very difficult for me, I've tried so hard. It's not going well. My boyfriend of 3 years and I are having a lot of problems and are practically on the verge of breaking up. Nothing really to do about it unfortunately, we've been having problems for a while. I'm very sad about it because he is all I have. I'm just not happy. I try to stay positive and hopeful for the future but just can't. There's been so much going on and I'm so miserable. I feel like most of my problems are very overwhelming. Help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2015): Thanks for your replies.
@ WiseOwlE I agree about the counselor part. I have been to a few counselor sessions and no offense, but I don't feel like they're very helpful of my situations.
I wouldn't say I don't like myself, just have been having problems with my weight and self image. That's only been going on for about a year. As a person on the inside, I think I'm a good person.
I may have misunderstood you when you were saying how I have little to offer my boyfriend. Could you please explain more what you mean by that? Did you mean because of my weight issues or were you referring to something else?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2015): You got lot of great advice here, particularly from Wise Owl, and you should do all of that particularly on getting your hormones checked and looked at for depression. Besides that, I want to add that in situations like yours it is typically ONE of these variables that will probably solve your misery and remove the depression. You cannot be lazy and blame whomever while, now, being fully aware that you are ONE thing away from feeling normal. You have to be proactive in everything mentioned and seek the solution for yourself irrespective of how you feel. Also, remember that feeling is an immaterial sensation and that a chemical inside your body can drastically change that sensation so that is why you need to seek medical help. This also means that your fix is simple despite that right now you think that the burden is so immense that it is not fixable. In other words, if you believe that your condition is not fixable then remind yourself that such belief is a lie and it is a lie because others have felt that way but with little diligence they fixed it. If they can so can you.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (5 March 2015):
 Inn addition to the great advice from Wise Owl I will add the following:
What are you doing to be nice to you?
Do you put other people before you all the time and forget that your first responsibility is to best support you. It does not have to be big grand gestures. It doesn't need to be expensive, but it does need to be something that gives YOU pleasure, even if just for a fleeting moment.
But if you are in need of some counselling and a discussion with the Doctor about depression that it will be more difficult for you to focus on anything that is even mildly positive.
Living in the shadow of negativity can become a habit.
A habit that you can break or continue to suffer.
Living in the sunlight of positivity can become a habit just as easily. All you have to do is start focusing on the positive. And being positive is just as habit forming and far less miserable inclusive as thinking negatively.
here is the article on choosing to be positive:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/tunnel-vision-positive-thinking---used-to.html
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2015): Have you been to the doctor to check and see if your are suffering from depression? Have you recently changed prescriptions for birth-control? Get all the physiological possibilities evaluated to be sure something isn't going untreated.
What level of education do you have? If you get a degree, you may qualify for a better job. If perhaps you decided to consider a college or a trade school, you might find better employment. Do you have any particular interests or talents you can explore, and perhaps use to make extra money?
Even if you went to a a therapist and got counseling; there is little people can say or do to improve your outlook on life, or how you view your self-image. You're just not a happy person. Even if you were diagnosed and treated for depression, ambition is a whole different ballgame. No one can force you to love yourself. No one can force you to see good in anything. That's all your job, I'm afraid.
Professionals can evaluate you and diagnose any maladies you may have, but you if choose only to see the worst in everything, and about yourself, that's your choice.
There could be a mental-health issue; but mostly your problem stems from the fact you're in a rut and doing nothing about it. You have an excuse about your weight, losing weight is too hard. You can't move out, because you can't afford to. You can't leave your boyfriend you don't get along with; because he's all you have. You sound a bit lazy.
Happiness isn't something people can talk you into, nor can anyone supply it. It's something you go for and claim for yourself. Then you share it with others. That will enhance and magnify it; because sharing feeds into happiness.
Happiness eludes you because you see nothing but the worst in things. If it turns out you suffer from depression; you still have to decide what to do about your boyfriend, your employment situation, and you might as well suck it up; and just avoid having unnecessary confrontations with your step-father. Distance and avoidance may be the best way to get along with him. Arguing and having an attitude when you're under another person's roof; may cause a lot of strife that could otherwise be avoided. You're not happy, that's nobody's fault. You don't like your step-dad, you know how to find the door. You want out bad enough, you'll find a way.
I don't want to come across too harsh, but you don't like yourself; and that is where all this stems from. If you have no motivation to change your situation, you stay right where you are.
Once you determine the nature and source of your depressed
state of being; then you'll know if it was just something that required professional-attention. Once that's out of the way, consider getting a education grant to train for a new job. If you want to lose weight, talk to your doctor. You physician will do tests to make sure there aren't any glandular problems that may even be linked to your depression and causing weight-gain.
Even if you don't leave your boyfriend, he'll likely leave you. You have little to offer him and you don't like yourself. You have a lot of work to do.
If you have any spiritual-upbringing or exposure as a part of your life, seek worship as a source of joy, faith, and inspiration. Sometimes something as simple as spiritual-enlightenment and meditation make enormous changes in one's outlook. Try several things, and maybe you'll reach an epiphany in your life. First things first, see your doctor!
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