A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, im 27 years old who has been married for almost 3 years. I am however still so in love with an ex that its killing me. we dated throughout college but because i had immigration issues and he wasnt ready to get married because he felt he couldnt care or provide for me at the time i decided to move on date and i fell in love with my husband but my first 2 years of marriage was hell. He was verbally abusive, cheated, kept flirty with girls online. and in that same year we had a little girl. today the arguments have calmed but he is still very immature and is so angry at times its crazy. ever since the 2 years of drama i have been so hurt, cried so many times,but we went to counselling to try to fix what he kept doing but it kept happening .. now that things have changed a bit he claims he hasnt done it but he still spends so much time on the computer its crazy.. and he keeps his phone locked at all times. i still dont trust him completely and i think with everything that has happened it hard to. Im not affectionate with him as i used to and im just not sure of where its going anymore. with all the drama i went through my ex was always there for me. we kept a friendship and he was always honest. we have both tried to keep some distance but its so obvious that we are still attached at teh hip he's my best friend and although hes trying now to settle down its also been hard for him. i keep trying to make my marriage work im trying not to hurt my child but sometimes i feel so unhappy its crazy. i cant let go of him no matter what i try and he cant let me go either. we share everything weve always been honest with each other our chemistry is amazing and after 8 years its hard to deny. i dont know what to do but i cant help feeling somehow empty on one side and madly in love on the other. HELP !!
View related questions:
best friend, fell in love, flirt, immature, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Is your ex ready to settle down now? Look, sometimes marriages just dont work out..and from what you write, you've clearly been through a lot. And you have a little daughter with you now. Its not just about you, its about her as well. She has to have the best upbringing possible, and a happy family. If your husband cannot give you both that, then you should move out. But make sure your friend is ready for all this. You dont want to get out of one mess and walk into another. Does he feel the same way for you? How does he feel about the baby? If everything works out, then you should just be together.Once you're happy,everything will fall into place.
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (9 September 2010):
 I think the best way to deal with your current situation is to separate your two issues. Your first issue and most important is your marriage. The second is your ex. Don't combine the two, that will only complicate things.
If you marriage is not working, your ex shouldn't have any bearing on the situation. You should do everything you possible can to give your marriage a chance to work. If it can't, then you have to decide if divorce is best. But again, your ex shouldn't be a factor. You shouldn't consider divorce with the specific hopes to be with your ex afterwards.
And as far as you ex goes? Well it's good he's there for you, but I think as long as you are talking to him you are always going to be wondering what life would be like with him. You will always be thinking "the grass is always greener" and your husband will forever be compared to him. If you want your marriage to work, you may have to stop talking to each other. For your sake and for his. It's not fair to keep your marriage lingering while keeping him on the hook.
...............................
|
