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female
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anonymous
writes: I've recently been contacted by an old school mate who I had a crush on 15 years ago. We've been chatting online frequently and he has now told me he is in love with me and wants us to meet. I'm married but can't stop thinking about him. What should I do?
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male
reader, AvocadoMilkTea +, writes (11 July 2006):
 Everyone here has their positive views and I commend you on that. However, I advise a different approach. Why don't you test your marriage. People would advise you to forget about the crush and concentrate on the marriage. The thing is, how can you when you already cannot stop thinking about the crush? It's easy to say, "Stop thinking about him", but how do you stop lust, desire, and even jealousy? Emotions more often than not, overpowers thought.
If you and your crush has to strong of a connection, then the next most prudent thing to do is initiate a divorce, and continue life with the crush. If your (might-be ex) husband needs some comfort, you can refer him here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): Stop thinking of him.
Instead,think of your husband and all the fabulous times you had with him. Remember your love for him.
The time you are spending online with this old crush is the time you should be spending on strengthening your love for your husband.
Why is it that good people who have a good life and have someone to love and be loved by; are so ready to throw it all away for a momentary thrill?
You made promises to your husband. You made the choice to marry him. You did so with honor and love and you still need to honor and love him.
If you can not put said crush in his rightful place and tell him to bugger off and that there is no possible romantic anything with him; then you would do well for your marriage by saying a final goodbye.
Why put all at risk? Why let all go? Who is this man?
He is an illusion that you have built up into your mind as being some perfect dream man. No such man exsists. He has flaws. He doesn't even know what it means to have honor and respect for another man's woman. How can you believe you are developing an "undying love" for such a cowardly man?
If said crush were such a good man, he would not be trying to destroy your marriage and family.
Said crush is not a good man. You are already married to the good man.
You still need to tell your husband and if you cannot practice self restraint and self discipline in the future while on the internet, stay the hell away from it.
One is always happier when they chose to do what is right.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): Don't do it. I can tell you now that you have built this up and out of all proportion. You haven't built a life with this man you haven't shared your experiences with him you are simply infatuated and because it sounds so exciting you are probably bored. Of course it all sounds thrilling and what if he's the true love etc; etc; but it's all nonsense is'nt it.
Imagine the shoe on the other foot. Imagine your husband comes home tonight and tells you he has been meeting another woman in secret. He knew her from long ago and just wanted to see if there were any feelings left. If he told you this other woman had told him she loved him how would you feel?
I'll tell you, you would feel as though someone had just walked into your life and robbed you.
All infatuation will fade, but you can't go on feeding it.
You will end up replacing the warm exciting heartracing feelings with very painful ones. You face much sadness if you don't control this now. You made a decision and a committment to your husband, honour them. Try to remember why you married him what drew you together, then take him out for dinner and tell him gently that you are talking to a special friend and you feel that friend may love you.
then watch him as his world falls apart...........
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (11 July 2006):
 Crushes and obsessions we had when we were young rarely die out for good. We always feel something for those people, as they were the very first people we felt that way about. However, it would have to be something very special for you to ruin your marriage over.
Maybe this is just a phase. Why not come clean with your husband, tell him you want to meet up with a friend from school. Only when you see this man will you know your real feelings for him. Of course, this is always going to be risky after he has admitted he loves you! If you want to avoid all problems this may cause, stay well away. But if you do this, you must leave this behind and accept your decision, don't be wondering whether you did the right thing forever.
Love is a very powerful thing and, unless you know you're with the right person and haven't let your true love go, that power can be very destructive. I know you only want to be happy, but this is decision time. You're married and you've committed to someone else, you have to let this go. It's all in the past. If you feel you have to meet him to see if the spark is still there or not, go ahead, but do careful. You've obviously got a lot to lose. Good luck.
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