A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice about something my boyfriend did recently. I strongly believe in giving blood and I find it really selfish when people won't do it for whatever pathetic reason they might come up with. My boyfriend has been like this for a while and I've asked him to come a few times. However, he told me that he couldn't because he didn't want to be tested for aids or anything like that (he's slept with a lot of people, including a prostitute). When he told me this, I went mad. He's had unprotected sex with me a few times before now (not all the time, as he has been diagnosed with a minor STD, genital herpes) and I felt so hurt. If he honestly had doubts about his sexual health, was it fair to put me at risk too? He says he has no answer for me and I don't know what to think. It's not as if he just made it up because he's scared of needles or anything, because he's fine with all that! Please help.
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aids , herpes, prostitute, std, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): At first I was reading this and thinking, your own personal beliefs are yours and may not be for another so what is the issue. Then I read on.
You have every right to feel betrayed, anger, scared, and hurt by his careless and reckless attitude.
How he is and what he believes is in conflict with what you know and what you believe in. This is apparent.
To continue to be in a relationship with one who can think only of his sexual appetite, with someone who can let his fears override his common sense and common decency, would only put your health in risk and come on, you are an intelligent and loving woman who deserves far better then what he is capable of offering you.
Who wants to be in a relationship with a morally arrested man?
Be smart and look out for you and your future, he certainly isn't.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): Agreed with the others advice and wanted to add that genital herpes isn't minor, it's incurable! :/
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (11 July 2006):
 Not sure how long the two of you have been together, but if he had any doubts then he really should have told you and put you first. Im guessing you thought you could trust him or you would have made sure that he used protection, so im assuming that you knew him well enough to take the risk yourself ? You could have of course at any point told him that you would only have sex with protection and i think in the main from what you say thats what you did. Now the thing is you will need to get tested yourself as you could have caught this, i wouldnt call any STD a minor one, they are all contagious when they flare up and can all cause unwanted things and many dont ever leave the system, whilst this one doesnt end in fatality, its likely to never leave the system and flare ups happen, which means hes going to have this for the rest of his life and could come in spits and spats. Get yourself checked out and with a bit of luck if you had unprotected sex whilst he wasnt on a flare up you may be okay, but do get checked out, what else could he have ? that even he doesnt know about ? Personally i wouldnt be dating him anymore i would have expected him to be adult enough to tell you at the start about this, quite frankly people like this disgust me, he knew he had something and he knew he could prevent the spread of it, and he didnt do the decent thing and tell you people like this are the reason that so many diseases do get spread around. Make sure your checked for everything and have a clean slate. At least you know now and can do something about it and with any luck you will be okay. And dont take any risks later on down the line, as you have found out maybe to your costs, some people just dont care! Always make sure you really really trust someone before having unprotected sex, its better to be safe than sorry.
Take care x
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (11 July 2006):
 So he's not willing to get tested, not willing to give blood, but is willing to have unprotected sex with you ???
Ouch! No wonder you went mad.
And then he says he has no answer for why he did that ??????
That is appalling.
This is just an anonymous website and we only have a little information, so I don't want to overstep here, but I would label that as really irresponsible and disrespectful behaviour. I would question whether you should continue in a relationship who shows blatant disregard for his own health (promiscuous unprotected sex), but also your health.
I hope he has many many other redeeming qualities to compensate for this. Otherwise, please consider cutting your losses (and getting tested for stds asap).
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