A
female
age
51-59,
*nLoveWithTwo
writes:I am completely confused in my life now. I have been married for about 15 years. I was completely left lonely by my husband so many of the years and finally i met someone who is so sincere and meaningful to me, online and he lives overseas. Him and i have been talking for 8 months now daily several times a day.I can't go a day without talking to him or i feel like i might fall to pieces. He understands me and i understand him, he makes me feel complete and alive and even my own mother said she has seen a glow in me that she has not seen for a long time. I feel that this new man completes me. But the problem is this, we have not met in person and i feel we need to meet in order for any additional steps are to be taken.The other problem is that i feel guilty because i still love my husband but i am in a place where i am not in love with him and yet i cannot imagine my life without him or him with another, but i want to be with my new found love. I am so confused and torn and unsure right now...i just need to advice...i have been going to marriage counseling and my husband has become very controlling lately and knows i talk to the man overseas...he told me if i left him he would throw himself off a building that he has been doing work on..so hence the guilt...i don't even know what i am trying to ask but i do know i am in love with what i already know of overseas and i want to go there too...how will i know its the right decison..help...and insight?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): You have never met this other man have you? so often we have this concept of love in our heads, we have this fantasy of being with this other person. 95% of the times it doesn't pan out the way we fantasized.
A
female
reader, InLoveWithTwo +, writes (16 August 2009):
InLoveWithTwo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice. I have alot to think about these days. I also have alot of other issues at hand that will affect my decisions now or later. I have three children and that ultimately stresses me more knowing what it can do to them, never mind myself. My daughter, a teenager, has seen the stress in her fathers and my relationship and knows there is some unhappiness there. She begs me to stay, but she knows i am struggling with any decisions that i will make, because they will impact not just me but the three children as well.As for the chemistry with overseas, well...we have both discused that we are both scared to met for fear of not being up to expectations in real life, but we will not know anything for sure unless we meet. But for now we continue to talk and webcam (so i can see his smiles and share mine). We have talked about me sorting out my feelings and taking a break from eachother to give me time to think, i have tried that...i did not make it very long without crumbling into a blubbering mess without overseas there...my husband married me too young, he was 19 when we met and now he just seems to want to run around and play with all the guys. I feel left out and stuck at home alot with the kids and i feel like i was put on the back burner too long, but i am stuck in that feeling of loving him since i do, and maybe after 15 years together you just feel like if you were to part you would miss something or just being so use to that person being there, good or bad, that you are fearful of the unknown without that person and if you are making the right decisions. I have alot to think about and i have time, i am not rushing anything by any means, overseas and i have been talking for 8 months now and we are both in school and have to get our lives in line too...Thank you for all your advice...I will take it all into consideration, i really will.SINCERELY
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): You have the worst of both worlds in that you cannot move on or remove either relationship from your life. The less risky option is to tell this online guy that you are going 'off the radar' for a couple of weeks (at least) and be without him - I guess you could make an excuse or perhaps tell him honestly you have strong feelings and need to get your head sorted. then concentrate on your feelings about your marriage. You can only assess whether your marriage is over without this other guy on the scene - give yourself some headpsace. It sounds tough but it will make you see clearly. If then you know your marriage is over you need to take the steps to move out and then you are free to consider whether you want to move things on with the online guy. I don't think you will make any decisions without this kind of approach and will just go round in circles.
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A
female
reader, Kathy James  +, writes (16 August 2009):
Hi..You are matured and quite understandable. As for my opinion, this is just attraction and not love with that guy. The guy whom you talk to will be some what like you thats why he understands you and you share with him your feeling easily. But this is just likeness. Being at your age, you should understand that you are a married. You actually haven't met the person and not aware of how he would turn to be in a realtionship. It always seems to be golden from far. I too love my friend alotttt and mingle with him alottt that soo many times we have been carried off despite he having a girlfirend and me a boyfriend and we truly love them. We have controlled ourselves. so i just love him as a fiend as years have passed and i have strongly understod that despite sharing strong chemistry together, he would not marry me beacause he is not a marriage type guy. On the other hand, My current boyfriend do not share a strong chemistry but we love and respect each other alottt and depend on each other for several things. So this will pay off in long run. The chemistry only stays for a short time and you find pleasure only for a short time. But concern, love, togetherness, trust, sincerity stays for a long run. So now being 22 only, i no longer enjoy that chemistry, i find it boring if i think over it sometimes. But i more over enjoy the BOND which i have with my boy friend and it is my true love because i feel it secured.It is just you are being attracted towards himself because you are spending moretim etalking and sharing your feeling with him. But don't make it a relation ship as it would not last longer. Just be friends. He will respect you more and your husband too. If he is you true friend and a well-wisher, he would stay in your life as a friend only. After realizing, I strongly conveyed to that guy, that i would lonly consider you my friend, he accepted it and till today we both are true friends. Still today we share chemistry but bieng friends. I discuss with him when i too upset after having fights with my bf. I fee relaxed but that doesnt mean that i would leave my boyfirend and get back to him. Prioties your life. My friend and my bor friend have different prorities in my life. As your mother told you that she finds glow on your face and good changes, my boyfriend to finds glow and happiness on my face and mood after I meet him or talk to him. But i accept it positively. So be sincere to your husband and just make him your friend.ALL THE BEST
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