A
female
age
51-59,
*ATIEMAE07
writes:Hi,I am a 34 year old college student, I am married with 2 children. I have become seriously attracted to one of my instructors (who is a female).I have never had any feelings for another woman before in my life, but I find myself daydreaming about her sometimes.I want to tell her how I feel, but I don't know how to approach her or should I not say anything to her at all about my feelings.What is wrong with me? Someone please help me and/or give me some advice.Thanks,Confused Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): I totally understand. Although, I'm a man and constantly have crushes on other women. Ok, constantly is a strong word...but the point is...I hate this feeling. I love my wife, and I also have two children...I just can't help it! Right now I'm totally head over heals for this one girl. I hate the way I can't stop thinking about her and how when I'm near her my heart rate rises and I feel all tingly and stupid...like I'm in love. I wonder about huging her and kissing her and even going further...but I can't !! I'm married!!! The worst thing for me is that I NEVER say no to sex with my wife...lately I find myself not wanting to have sex with her as I just can't get this dam girl outta my head. It's happens at least once a year. So am I still in love with my wife? Am I staying with her because of my children? Is this just a "crush" I keep having? Why do I keep having crushes on other women when I'm married? Maybe I shouldn't be married!!? I feel like I would be the world's biggest asshole if I left my wife for the single life. I really feel like I want to, but I just don't have the courage to do it. I feel sorry for her and for our kids. It would mess her head up and I would hate myself for putting my children through heartache. Maybe this is the price I pay? I made my bed, so I have to lay in it sorta thing. If we had no children, I would kindly and nicely divorce my wife in a split second. So...I'm staying for the sake of my kids. If I leave and another man comes into my wife's life who's an asshole...and is bad to my kids...I could never forgive myself. So I'm trapped. Am I? Any advice from ANYONE?! my email address is [email address blocked] Married for 8 years. I'm 30 years old. Two kids aged 6 and 4...I really don't know what to do!!!!!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): Infatuation is not love. Having a crush, well we all get the case so it from time to time but acting on it is folly when we are in committed relationships let alone being married.
You would be heartbroken if you found out your husband had a crush and was tempted, contemplated another woman.
If you tell your teacher, he'll probably be flattered but say no thanks.
And if you are a lesbian-divorce your husband. Be honest and fair before moving on.
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A
female
reader, KATIEMAE07 +, writes (23 July 2007):
KATIEMAE07 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. I have yet to reveal my feelings to anyone at this moment. My last day of school is Wednesday, and I am contemplating on what to do. I appreciate the sound advice from all of you. I will keep each of you informed on how things turn out.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 Maybe you feel a connection with your instructor. It's probably safe for you to find out from her if she feels that connection.
You don't really tell us how much time you and your instructor have spent outside of the classroom. These details would help.
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A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (22 July 2007):
 Do you want out of your marriage? Are you unhappy? Do you think you will end up divorced after the children leave? Do you want the stigma of being "bi-sexual" if your professor rejects your advances and tells other people? Do you care if your husband finds out and leaves you and tells your children and the judge it's because Mommy prefers women? Decide what you really want to accomplish and then take the "right" steps to achieve it. There are consequences, just be ready for them. Be happy and live life, it's too short not to.
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A
male
reader, jmpirie +, writes (22 July 2007):
 There is nothing wrong with you. Know that you can accept your feelings without acting on them. As Victor Frankel observed - in this moment is our freedom.
Listen to your gut. Deep down you know that it would be wrong and not fair to your husband and children. You have commitments and obligations to your family of which you are a vital member. Is there another offering of the same course with a different instructor? Is the semester almost over? Do not talk to her or act on your feelings. If it is getting harder to resist then you must remove yourself from the temptation and the source.
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 Are you having problems in your marriage at the moment as that could be a reason for why you are suddenly attracted to anyone else.
You are married though and should try and ignore what sounds like a crush and concentrate on your mmarriage.
Take care.xx.
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