A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I am married to a guy, who I have been going out with for 8 years. He did cheat on me and got a child out of wedlock. I was bitter but managed to work on my emotions especially for the children's sake. However at the moment I have developed a crush on some guy who flirts with me endlessly. The situation is made more difficult by my perception that our levels of intimacy with my hubby have gone down and this guy knows my husband. What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): I think you know what to do, hun. You are not powerless, you have the freedom to make appropriate choices...stop this infatuation and flirting with your husband's friend and work on your marriage. I am sensing you are lonely and still hurting and that this is a 'tit for tat' thing as Smeedle suggested. So clarify for us, are you having a very tough time getting past hubby's past cheating, resulting in a child? Did you and hubby ever resolve this? Have you passively kept your anger at him, locked deep inside? Did you both ever get into marriage counseling to tackle this issue? Did he ever express remorse and sorrow for how he hurt you? If none of this happened, the problem could be, you need closure and some form of resolve. Because as long as you are hurt, you won't take any steps in improving the hurt, the damage, that occurred to you. You will just get passively angrier with out expressing it. And when that occurs all it results in... is a woman's self-doubts, sadness, confusion and a whole whack of other stuff which have nothing to do with talking to her hubby and tackling this hidden problem with clarity, objectivity or courage. Your marriage is floundering, you are floundering and professional help is needed. Think about this...stop this mindless flirting and get yourself and your marriage on track. That is the only way. I suggest you and hubby start talking and please look into marriage counseling. I get the feeling you have a lot to get off your chest! You need to confront the realities of what happened and learn to ease the pain of emptiness with forgiveness and creating love/harmony right within your marriage and with the man you married..
A
female
reader, skye  +, writes (23 August 2007):
 There is an old saying that goes "if you play with fire, you are going to get burnt". You could get very badly hurt if you persue your crush. Remember how you felt when you discovered your husbands infedility? Im sure you would not wish that feeling on anyone.
There is really nothing you can do about this crush. At least not while you are still married. You have worked very hard at you marriage and have forgiven your husband for his unfaithfulness. It takes a strong relationship to come out the other side of infedility, and you both have. That is far too much for you and your husband to give up on for a silly crush.
This man is your husbands friend, and so it should be clear to him that as his friends wife, you are off limits. He does not sound like the kind of friend your husband would want.
Your time would be used more constructively by continueing to work on your marriage with your husband. Try to get away with your husband for a short break. It doesnt have to cost much and it might help regain your intimacy. We all need to spend time alone with our partner. Do things that are special for you both. Go to the place you went on your first date. Make time for eachother again. You need to reconnect as a couple after everything you have been through.
Two wrongs dont make a right. Dont have an affair just to make your husband pay for his past indisgressions. When you decided to stay with him, this implies you intend to work on forgiveness. Dont give up on your marriage when you have worked so very hard to save it.
Take care,
Skye
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (23 August 2007):
 You got two choices, either stay faithful to your hubby and work things out with him especially in the bedroom department.
Or start an affair with this man who obviously wants one with you or would not be flirting so much, but just be aware if you choose the latter that this bloke maybe just doing this to see how far you will go and to stir up trouble with your hubby.
You know the damage an affair would do, im not going to lecture you there or tell you what to do, just think things through and be sensible, look into your heart and see if there is anything left with you and hubby or are you doing this for other reasons like tit for tat!!.
Think about the consequences of your possible action and go from there.
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