A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married. But I am in touch with a person whom I have known for sometime now. I consider him as a good friend of mine. I met him sometime back and developed an immediate liking for him. My marriage lacked nothing as I married someone I really love and respect. He is my world.Gradually, I began to develop a trust over this new guy.I don't know ow I can define it. Is it fraternal affecions, the need of great friend materialised or really real love I don't know. He is a gentleman who is very well mannered and is certain of what he is talking about. He treats me with respect and concern. We don't meet or talk on phone. But we e-mail! Short quick ones and sometimes small conversations. I got to mention that I ofen begin them (nothing fliratious or bad) and he always replies promptly. I may not last forever. Such relationships don't. Oh, and its nothing my husband doesn't know about. But I admit that he may not be aware that we are in touch on a regular basis. Recently, I have begun to like him more and more. And he too has warmed up in his manners. I don't think there is any romantic element in his behaviour as he very well knows I am married. But it has so happened that I have fond him looking at my lips a few times while talking. I can't say if that was "I want to kiss" kind of looks but you know. Anyway, after that we have not met or talked. He has also told me that I can be very free with him and that he will be there (to help) if needed.Ignoring my affections and cosiderin that will fade in time, do you think he would be a great friend? Or do you read a streat of romance here? Its the first time I have really felt stong for a man,a feeling very different and unidentfied. So I don't want to loose that relationship and him.If you happen to read, please answer. Thanks! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear answerers,
Thanks for your words of wisdom. I admit thankfully that all of you are right. I know what I am doing is wrong. And I need to find some positive distractions here.
Pirate,
You say, "Do you think a guy is going to care about your marriage and "keep clear" of intimacy if you dont?" I have imagined him to have any feelings for me. Why would you think that he would play if he feels that I am interested in him? Well, decent men would stay away, I mean. I have never thought in those terms as he has never flirted with me.
Yes, I think I need to look a little in to my marriage and whats missing in it. I do wonder why I felt so much of affection for someone and for such a long time like a year or so.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): Run a mile...This is no good....You cant have all the wonderful men there are in the world.....He may not be a typical jerk and in some ways he may even remind you of you spouse or you may even be thinking 'if I were single scenario'. You need to find out what you are missing in your marriage at the moment..You may say nothing is but I urge you to take a closer look...Dont know how close you are to your spouse but if I were you I would tell him about this temptation...provided he's is not the insecure type...with his words and actions you should be able to keep far away from this temptation...Avoid as much as possible being alone with this guys and spending to much time with him.....Human emotions can be deceiving....Take heed while you can before you do something you regret....Start distacing yourself from him by not talking or spending too much time with him...The emotions will fade over time but you have to be patient.....Experience is the teacher of fool...A word is enogh for the wise
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): Here's the progression of your post:
good friend
developed trust
like him more and more
warmed up
feeling strong for him
romance
relationship
You see where this is heading? You are using your marriage as a shield while playing with fire. Do you think a guy is going to care about your marriage and "keep clear" of intimacy if you dont? Hell no. He knows how to play you and be patient. He sees your interest. He knows it is a matter of time.
Make a stand for your marriage. Get to counseling and work to get back the feelings for your husband you claim to love and cherish.
A wise phrase I read once was "if you have to keep any part of a relationship a secret, you probably shouldn't be in it".
There is a secret relationship here. In time, it will surface and your marriage will suffer...trust me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): You have to be very careful, as it is easy for something to develop to a point were you can find you are in too deep. If you want to continue contact, you have to keep it very much on a superficial level. The fact that you even mention this is a sign that you feel something may be stirring. If you are happy in your marriage - I would be wary. Keep this friendship light or back off, as you may find yourself with a greater dilema.
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (20 January 2011):
With all due respect, you are being extremely foolish. You are married...to a man who you love and respect, and this is how you show it back to him -- by developing feelings for another man? If you continue investing emotional energy in your new "friend", you will ultimately damage your relationship with your husband. Is that what you want? Some people would give their right arm to be married to someone they love and respect. Your selfishness could end up costing you something very rare. You need to distance yourself from you "friend" and start putting that energy into where it belongs...your marriage. That should be your priority, not some guy who you happen to know.
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A
female
reader, jazzy3477 +, writes (20 January 2011):
 any guy that messes with a married women is a jerk and you won't find that out til this ends your marriage...
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