A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married and I have been in mutual relationship with a co worker for few years now. She recently got married and it was mutual decision that we shall continue working post her marriage and we both wont change our feelings for each other and she committed lot of things. But now after her marriage for over a month, have noticed change in her behavior. Upon discussion she accepted that she has developed some feelings for her husband but its nothing more emotional compared to me and she has not gone physical too. I was devastated to know this that she betrayed me so soon, forgot all committments and love we shared in just a months time. Later she admitted she made a mistake and will never go physical and emotional with her husband but now wants to work on to make things normal between us. At times I feel she wants to move on but she doesnt accept the same and says its nothing like that and would want me as her 1st choice. I am confused by her two sided stories and not able to decide what should I be doing in this situation? Shall I continue trusting her? If I do what if I am dumped again and she is not two timing? I feel she has been a hypocrite and have lost trust in her. Personally I dont want to loose her but dont want to get used also. It's taking a toll on my professional and mental peace and its affecting by leaps and bounds. Has anyone been in similar situation here before? Request to provide some practical inputs on what should be my next action in this situation? thanks for reading this...
View related questions:
co-worker, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): OP u acctually wrote what u wrote?
sweet peaches YOU ARE MMARRIED, YOU ARE CHEATING, yet you now do not trust your lover.
gograb your holy book and see what it says about adultery.
You are a rather foolish man t believe that her NEW hb is not going to have sex with his wife. In fact as per ALL newly weds, those two are breaking the bed going at it and doing the deed. That is what married couples do.
by the way, while you are so terrified of losing your lover are you sure all is well at home. trust me when i say: what is good for that goose is even better for the gander and vice versa. dont be surprised that another man is taking care of your wife while you play away. you have been warned.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): How can you complain that she has betrayed your trust , when you were the first one to get married?
So for a few years you've been married while seeing your coworkers on the side. Don't you see, she was waiting for you but you refused to do anything for her. if YOU had left your wife and proposed to her, then right now today she would be married to you. she waited YEARS while you were already married.
But instead you didn't do anything to deserve her trust. All those years you continue to stay married to someone else. How could you expect her to hold out for someone who's never going to give her what he gave to another woman?
I say it's right for her to look elsewhere and look out for her best interests even if it means leaving you behind, because that's what you were doing to her right from the start.
she may be developing feelings for her husband now because - unlike you - he has taken responsibility for caring for her by marrying her and providing for her and making a home with her. You have done nothing for her. you may have told her you love her but in the end for years now you go home to someone else and provide for someone else.
you should accept that your relationship with her is over now. you should let her go. If you care about her at all, you will want what is best for her, which is, to have a normal life with a man who is committed to her. Right now that man is her husband, not you.
...............................
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (18 January 2012):
 How can you be upset that she has an emotional and physical connection with her husband? What did you think would happen? Did you think they would just walk around like robots in their homes and sleep in separate rooms? Don't you have an emotional and physical relationship with your wife? I'm sure you do, but because you're a hypocrite, it's somehow unacceptable that she does.
How can you fault her for not wanting or having you as her first choice? You were married when she met you! Clearly your wife is your first choice as well, or else you would have divorced her and taken this woman as your partner. You didn't do that, so why on earth should she see you as her number 1? You expect and want things that you yourself would never do for her.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 January 2012):
 WOW!!! What a great submittal. Let me see if I've got this correct:
You are married and she was your tart...
She got married and started behaving as if she were married and had a hubby, to whom she pledged fidelity...
You now think that she has compromised what you had (a "fling" together)....
Is that right????
I don't "see" any question here....
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (18 January 2012):
I think you should try to stop your affair and give her time to settle into being married and to give that marriage a chance. You might not be happily married but you mustn't stop her from being happy in hers if that is a possibility. Things have changed between you, and you should accept that in time. I wish you well.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 January 2012):
 If you are sincere in your love for you, and you do not put yourself first, you will allow her to do what is best for her own future. If she develops feelings for her husband, well, isn't that the best for her in the long-run? And as you love her, why wouldn't you want only the best for her?
If you truly wanted to be with her, you would have left your wife and proposed marriage to her. As you did not, you put your culture's norms and your own comfort ahead of your love for her, so you actually have abdicated the role of 'first man' in her life.
I think it's time to realize she has a new life that may lead to even greater happiness for her, especially if she falls in love with her husband, so learn to let her go.
If you are a mature adult, you'll be able to manage this. You'll feel some sorrow and regret for what could have been. But you chose to walk a different path.
If you are an adolescent boy with spots, you can weep and moan and carry on about how she 'promised to love me forever' (whiny font needed for that) and about how she 'broke my heart into little bitty pieces.'
You choose. Are you a man or a boy? And do you love yourself or her better?
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 January 2012):
 Maybe she had decided to homour he marriage vows ... maybe you should try and do that too!
...............................
|
