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female
,
anonymous
writes: hi again all,i really just need some words of comfort at the mo u probably remember most of the problems about my mentally abusive relationship which i have posted before,but things are going from bad to worse,he is on at me 24/7 for effection which i can no longer give at all and when i dont he will get nasty(not violent)but instead of feeling angry with him i feel its me making him like this neglecting his needs as i know everyone has them,my counsellor has made me more scared so i have stopped going,and my best and only friend has told me to keep away untill i have finished with him as she cant stand seeing whats happening.let me give you an example of the sort of thing im on about and can u tell me if its me or not.last night we went for a meal and stopped at a quiet place in the car and we had a laugh,he then wanted me to have sex with him and i couldnt so i nicely told him so.after an hour of trying his best to change my mind,he drove us home in temper,60 mph on back country roads i was scared and cried,im a wimp.and not a very good passenger he knows this i asked him to slow down he wouldnt.then said im going to drive with my eyes closed,and veered off of course he was only winding me up but i was nearly sick with fear.I cant finish this relationship while i think its me im not perfect,far from it and i dont expect anyone else to be but why do i feel sorry for this man who has been with me for 10 years and is getting worse with age im 26 he,s 28. sorry all and thanks again.xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): I agree with the last person, this man does not love and respect you - if he did then it would not give you pleasure to scare you and he would not try and presure you into sex.
Why and how has your councillor made you scared? They don't sound like a very good coucillor to me - maybe you should find a new one who can help you to build your self-esteeme and confidence in order for you to look after yourself. How do you feel when you are not with your partner? Do you feel like you are missing a limb or do you relax and become yourself. If it is the latter then I think you definitely need to finish this relationship asap, if you miss him and truely love him, then I think you need to seek more councilling in order to be more confident so that you can stand up to him. Hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): Listen.
If he really loved you and valued you he would be willing to see your side, listen to what you ask of him as you telling him how you feel and think is very important; you are giving him the you. If he loved you he would validate you and he would be willing to change the ugly behaviour as it is offensive to your person, your spirit.
He does not understand what it is to love. A man who is in love would not intimidate his woman into any intamacies if she does not feel ready. A mature, responsible, kind, patient, loving man would want his woman, his love, to feel that she could trust in him, love him, and turn to him in her time of need. A Good, Loving, Responsible, Dependable man would see that his Woman, His Life, is in need; is hurting and would do his utmost to make sure she doesn't hurt. He would know if he caused it and would work to change it.
He does not offer this.
That is not love.
You need to remember that you are a lovely woman who has great value to add to this world. That there is a man who can see you for who you are and love you and not hurt and abuse you. You matter. He takes this knowledge away from you. A Good Man would not rob from you but give and give to you.
10 years. It worsens as time goes by. Your own words.
Question.
Why do you believe that you do not matter and that no one could accept you and love you for who and how you are?
You stay because of your own loss of self worth and you mistook his aggresion as strength. You poured youself into your relationship with this man and continue to do so because of how you think and feel about yourself. He knows this and uses your weaknesses against you. That man does not love you and doesn't know how to.
I hope you don't have children with this man as all you will do is teach them that it is acceptable to have a man treat you like garbage and abuse you. You would teach your daughters that that is the only type of man that can love them. You would teach your sons that that is the only way a man can love a woman.
Please realize your worth and value. Please realize that you matter. Please realize that one such as I, wish and hope the best for you. I believe in you.
From one woman to another.
My heart hopes for you.
*hugs*
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