A
male
age
51-59,
*atstreet
writes:My girlfriend agreed to date me even though she knew I was married. I was honest from day one. You will have to believe me as she did that my wife and I stopped sleeping together 4 years ago. My Girlfriend has a two year old with a man that abandoned her for a high paying job about 5 months before we started dating. He used to live with her in her house with the baby. A month into our romance we had our first baby daddy drama situation. Her ex ...who had the 2 yr old for a week at his parents house (where he now lives) which is 500 miles away... was supposed to come through and drop the child off and quickly return home. He instead surprised her/us by arriving at two in the morning WITH HIS parents forcing me to vacate her house prematurely (*I left before he/they arrived) but it was a very bad situation. She had told me he was only going to come the next day at 12 noon, drop off the baby and go home.. He was not going to stay there... However since he unexpectadly brought his two elderly parents she felt obligated to let them ALL stay in her townhouse... She insisted he stayed downstairs on the convertible sofa while she and the parents and child all stayed upstairs....To make matters worse, they stayed for three days... not just overnight. She claims she set him straight in front of his parents..She had a new man (me) and that she was not WITH him anymore. That he left her with the baby and was given many chances to move back but after 3 months she sent his stuff up north and told him it was over.To make a long story short we began to fall deeper in love and I finally agreed to give my wife divorce papers. I actually was also preparing to move out in order to keep my new love happy and to keep her since she is realy a special lady and it is time for me to finally take that step.... During this time she re-assured me several times that her ex ..while of course would always have to be able to see his daughter.... would never stay with her alone in her townhouse.Halloween weekend came and to make a long story short, she allowed him to stay with her when he came in to visit again. This time alone. I told her it was going to hurt me terribly and that she could at least go out with me halloween night .. the only night he'd sleep over...... and leave him alone with his daughter in order to give me re-assurance and show him that she had a real relationship with someone new. She failed to do this. She Not only permitted him to stay (again saying he stayed downstairs on the convertible sofa bed) but allowed him to prevent her from even calling me that night to Break our date by badgering her into getting back with him. She at first told me that she was sorry but she fell asleep putting the baby down... Than revealed she in fact went downstairs to talk to him after putting the baby to sleep.The next day she didn't call me until hours after he left. She was supposed to see me that night but instead called me and said that she spoke to her ex for hours and that she had to "consider what he had to say since she had invested so much into their 5 yr relationship, and that he was still her lil girls father"...I asked her if she let him go back home thinking she might get back with him (they used to be engaged till her walked out on her)....She simply said " I don't want to talk about that rite now"..... Well over a week passed and she never communicated to me what was going on with her ex. We saw each other two more times and than she went away on a business trip. I was going crazy with anxiety worry about losing her.. I also began to worry about letting this woman pressure me into a quick divorce. I have a 6 yr old son who I love and don't want to lose access to, I also have a luxury home that I'd have to give up... All for a woman who is seemingly just letting her ex....Who impregnated her, than abandoned her... Just Waltz rite in and stay with her alone in her home.Here's where I got a little high school but couldn't think of any other way to verify her and her ex's "status" so I went UNDERGROUND (LOL BUT THIS IS BAD)..... SHe's a facebook junkie.... I created a fake facebook account and contacted her. When I asked her if she was married she said "Not married but my Fiance is in Virginia. He left us here for a job...It's tough but we're dealing with it". I than tried to back off but she said lets chat.. I asked for her phone number and she gave it! I than called her with a different phone number and spoke with her using a disguised voice. Yes Yes i know this is all crazy but I had to know what she was doing.Later that day we were supposed to meet. I intended to tell her what i had done and was going to confront her and probably break up with her. However figured it out before i had the chance and got pissed off and broke up with me over the phone. The last two weeks have been spent by her continuously telling me I was crazy for doing what I did and that I should have trusted her.... She kept throwing my marriage in my face and telling me that i still go home to my wife how dare i tell her she can't have her ex stay over her house... On the surface this is a valid point but I say that ONE, she knew my situation from the begining, two believed it to be true as I had spent numerouse nights with her and slept over and spent weekends with her so she knew my marriage was OPEN and Over...And three, she knew I was preparing to alter my Life and move out.. I asked if I could move in with her and she said NO! I have a condo investment property but it's rented.. I was negotiating with my tenant for me to reduce his rent and move into one of the bedrooms temporarily to appease my NOW EX Girlfriend.She still won't accept that she was wrong for allowing her ex fiance to stay with her. I belive she is not re-engaged to him but I still don't realy know that for sure as she has only said to me since that she will never get back with him (BUT why the hell did she say to my fake facebook account that her Fiance was in Virginia???????????)Anyway....I'd like to get your take on this.. I still love her, and she keeps telling me she loves the hell out of me and wishes I hadn't done what I did to break us up.... I don't want to make matters worse by saying she is actually the one that triggered it by allowing her ex to stay after re-assuring me she wouldn't.... Than by cutting me off and not honoring our date that night...... I don't want to keep going around in circles with her on that one as I've spelled it out to her verbally and via email... She does not seem to get it..... Rite now we're both missing the hell out of each other. We're both hurting badly over this. I've still put the divorce papers in as I have to get a divorce regardless... I was just hoping to have her stand by me while I did it... Now I don't know what to do... If she wants me back would i go back and still have to deal with this Baby Daddy Drama???? We're both in agony rite now... We had the strngest most passionate affectionate Romance I've ever experienced. She feels the same way... maybe we fell in love too fast and let our ex related baggage kill us... I don't know... I hope not.. My heart still years for her and my body still needs her.
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broke up, divorce, engaged, ex girlfriend, facebook, fell in love, fiance, her ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, matstreet +, writes (28 November 2009):
matstreet is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your responses. To clarify to the gentleman responder, she was never married to this guy. He engaged her than abandoned her along with their two year old!
UPDATE
She called me and told me she forgives me but still thinks we're broken up because of my facebook shenanigan's and doesn't seem to realize that it's because she allowed her ex to stay with her thereby Causing my MisTrust.
Thanksgiving "weekend"... I am pretty sure she's spending it with him..her abandoning "Ex fiance"... As although she's texted me, she has not returned phone calls for two days. This is what she did when he stayed for Halloween and the first time he showed up and stayed. Makes the decision to not try a whole lot easier.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009): too much drama- to complex... you need to simplify your life.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 November 2009):
The only thing I can say is you're still married, so you're not without your share of problems here. However, I can certainly warn you that this will not work. Truth is, she isn;t over her husband. She wouldn't allow him to do everything that he is if she didn't love him. I think you would do far better to focus on your divorce yourself. You were right to look at the situation, and although snooping is morally wrong, it has proved that she still has feelings for her ex. Run.
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