A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married 6 years with a young child. 10 months ago I started texting with a guy I work with, who lives with his girlfriend. We had an instant connection and starting texting non stop. We fell in love...always wanting to see eachother, always needing to be talking in some way. It got to the point eventually where we decided to leave our relationships and be together. However, after months of him swearing to me that it was over with his girlfriend and that he was only living there til he found an apartment, I started to get anxious and constantly pick fights with him over her. I kept threatening to end the affair, and blocked his calls for days a few times in effort to try and just forget him. I think part of me did that because I was afraid to leave too. Anyway in the end he got fed up with me and decided to stay with his girlfriend. I was crushed. He still wanted us to see each other when we could and talk when we could, but to me it seemed so different and I was so hurt with the fact that she was priority now that after hanging on for months, I eventually told him I couldn't do it any longer and went no contact. Blocked his numbers and its been 6 days. I'm MISERABLE and having a hard time moving on. We work together and I will have to see him once I go back from vacation and I'm terrified of my feelings. I have to add, my husband is an amazing man who has done nothing wrong but I can't even look at him right now because I'm destroyed over this man. I don't know what to do. I know I brought this on myself and deserve it :-( I don't know how I let this happen.
View related questions:
affair, at work, crush, fell in love, I work with, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): Your husband HAS to know now. If you think he doesn't sense something is wrong, then you are even more foolish than you seem.You cheated. What you want to happen to this relationship is no longer valid. You made your choice and whether or not the relationship with your husband continues should be entirely up to him now.If he decides to give you a second chance, I applaud him. But you cannot have a lie like this in your life. You will NOT be able to keep it secret. It will eat away at you until your tell him anyway, likely during an argument where you'll use it to hurt him out of anger.You have one last route to redeeming yourself in this, and that is to tell the truth and face the consequences of your actions... don't delude yourself into thinking there wasn't going to be any.Flynn 24
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): Thank you everyone. Honestly I'm not a bad person lol I got caught up in s fantasy of what I thought was a perfect man. Still hard to just stop wanting and missing him but I know that I need to grow up, get over him, and be thankful for what I already had...a husband who loves me and who provides us with a good life. After 9 years with him, I forgot what it was like to have that fall in love feeling... I should have been a stronger more mature person and resisted my urges for that man and now I'm paying the price. I want to just let him go, get over him and dedicate myself to the good man that I married. I know ill never ever make this mistake again. So much pain... And I feel like I deserve every minute of this heartbreak I'm feeling over this guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): Count your blessing sweetie, and work on your marriage.. No one is judging you as neither of us have walked in your shoes..But this other guy is not for you, for if he was he wouldn't have treated you as he did.. He wanted his cake and he wanted to eat it.. Take our words and go to relate, get some you and hubby time, reconnect.. Make it that your hubby courts you a little.. Get him to send flirty texts lol and get back to where you once were.. Your not a serial cheater.. You just needed something he was able to give..But what you need to do is draw a line under it, move on.. And look forward to this coming year with hope and joy of what a wonderful family you have.. No need to tell your husband, I wouldn't normal put that but I feel your punishing yourself over it.Focus on your child and your family.. Why wonder about someone sweetie who doesn't bother about you .. Your lucky some women would cut of their arms to have a good hubby.Maybe you should read some of the other posts .. It may just show clarity of what you do have..
...............................
A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (31 December 2012):
 It's clear that you truly feel remorse for this, and that is a very good thing. it will help you get over him.
You need to evaluate your marriage - because it's been my experience that people in happy healthy relationships don't usually fall into traps like this. Obviously this man was giving you something that you wanted/needed, but wasn't getting from your husband. You may not have even been consciously aware that you were missing something, until this man entered your life.
Of course that does not justify the cheating, but you need to figure out what that is, and work on it with your husband.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): I know it would end my marriage if he knew and that would hurt my child. I should have thought of that before hand :-( I'm trying to go on as if everything is normal but I am greiving the loss of this man, even missing his friendship. I have arranged at work to only have to see him roughly an hour a day and only 2 days out of the week, that was the best u can do. I would like to transfer to another department when There's an opportunity to do so. I know the pain will be immense when I see him. I'm feel like I'm going through withdrawal, as we were non stop texting for most of the relationship. In reality I know this is for the best, I just can't seem to stop thinking of him and missing the interaction with him. I can see now that he probably never really loved me. I never in a million years would have dreamed I could ever cheat on anyone and I guess just from my husband working so much I fell right into the trap of this guys constant attention...not that its an excuse!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): Okey take a deep breath, emotions are not a tap.. So we can't just switch them off willy nilly when we feel like it.. I have to ask .. Why you attached so easily to someone new, is there something devoid in your present relationship..Listen I don't think you are in love with this guy, for one you hardly know him really.. You know what he has wanted you to know and most relationships have what is called a honeymoon period where everyone acts real good etc.. Because of your hubby and his gf you haven't even dated!! So my point is you just think you are in love.. He gave you something I don't know, extra attention etc, when you felt you needed it and you have just fantasised about him and you.. Hence your inability to leave your husband.. Go and seek some counselling with your husband look at what your life could be lacking.. Count your blessing you have a amazing husband (your words) and a child together . You are healthy and he loves you .. Focus on these things and wait it out . You'll soon find that maybe you'll be saying do you know what I had a lucky escape and a chance to start over with my family..
...............................
A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (31 December 2012):
"I originally wanted to be there for him as a friend because he was having trouble at home"
This is a typical line that cheating men use to lure women in, because we are nurturing by nature and thus naturally drawn to men with a sob story.
Is there anyway you can transfer to another department in your job? The only way you are going to get over this man is to not be around him. This is one of the pit-falls of work-place relationships.
Does your husband know anything about this affair - if not, do you plan on telling him?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 December 2012):
 it's only been 6 days.. it's going to take 6 weeks or longer to start to heal....
I would consider finding a new job if it's going to be that painful.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): I'm not sure, I didn't mean for anything to happen...when he gave me his number I originally wanted to be there for him as a friend because he was having trouble at home but before I knew It I had feelings, and he was a really good actor cause I really thought he did too... In fact he begged me not to leave his life but I know I couldn't go on this way any longer and I blocked his number so he couldn't convince me again not to go. Trust me, I know I was an idiot and if I could do anything it would be to forget this guy and be a good wife again. I hate myself for this and I don't know how to get past it. I'm physically ill over it, and I just want to be in love with my husband the way I should be :-(
...............................
|
