A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I work in the same company as this woman.Never really took any notice of her or talked to her, but I knew she was married.One day we found ourselves alone together and she made it plain she fancied me.In fact she put her hand on my thigh, I reciprocated wasn't gonna allow her to get away with that.Shortly after that she said she needed to go home, we parted. I spent all night thinking what the hell happened there.From nowhere this absolute hotty presents herself as a romantic/sexual interest to meWhen I went into the office the next day, it was obvious she told her workmates. I was so upset because discretion is important to me as I am married too.Since then she has been flirting with me, doing the whole repertoire of body language stuff, this has been going on for almost a year.To begin with I think she was just having a laugh. i felt like a fool especially when her friends cough and giggle when i pass. So I started to pretend i wasn't interested and ignored her for weeks. Now I think her feelings towards me are deepening because I did not roll over like a puppy.But frankly I'm hooked on her she is a beauty.The trouble is I cannot say anything to her unless i can get her alone because of the potential gossipsSome days I just cannot look her in the face. What shall I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt turns out at the end of 2013 there was a restructure and I was moved to another building a few miles away. During this time i realized she has a big resemblance to someone I had a massive teenage crush on. Only been back to where she works for the odd meeting, until two weeks ago!
I have been seconded to cover while they recruit new staff and yes she is doing her best to grab my attention.
I totally ignore her because I know I am her ego boost. What a sad woman! So glad I did not go there. Anyway my marriage is stronger and we (wifey and I) are working together now much closer than we ever did
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (28 May 2013):
 So what do you need help with?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell from some of the responses I have been given its obvious some are you are responding out of pain.Sorry that you have had problems or others have cause you pain.Well the truth is either way someone will feel pain because truth hurtsI did not expect impartial advice so its ok.Well this hottie and I have started to make small talk, her friends no longer giggle like school children.When they cross paths with me the interaction is a mixture of a nod, forced acknowledgement or a complete blank.I know for certain we feel the same about each other because she watches me now and gets upset if i am talking to another woman. When I walk past her desk with anyone she fidgets like crazy and does not know what to do with herself. More people are noticing our attraction. The other women (not her close friends) in her dept have been very forward with me but I think they are just testing the water to see if I really want this hottie.Well no-one else is really into her in the office. She is 41 and I am 46, she was really embarrassed to tell me her age cos she thinks I am younger than she is. I look after myself. Because of the nature of my job I interact with almost everyone in the business on a random basis.My marriage is so dead and my spouse has told me she does not blame me, she knows its her fault, my mates tell me to leave her. We stopped sleeping with each other a long time ago and we don't argue. We are like best friends. Both sets of families know the score. I love my children too much to leave right now. My eldest child said she knows mummy does not love me. I know my wife would fall apart if I leave. This is the core of her problem, she won't face her demons being going on for years. I done my best to help her but things have slowly deteriorated.I know if i don't man up and approach this hottie, I think sparks will fly...
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell from some of the responses I have been given its obvious some are you are responding out of pain.Sorry that you have had problems or others have cause you pain.Well the truth is either way someone will feel pain because truth hurtsI did not expect impartial advice so its ok.Well this hottie and I have started to make small talk, her friends no longer giggle like school children.When they cross paths with me the interaction is a mixture of a nod, forced acknowledgement or a complete blank.I know for certain we feel the same about each other because she watches me now and gets upset if i am talking to another woman. When I walk past her desk with anyone she fidgets like crazy and does not know what to do with herself. More people are noticing our attraction. The other women (not her close friends) in her dept have been very forward with me but I think they are just testing the water to see if I really want this hottie.Well no-one else is really into her in the office. She is 41 and I am 46, she was really embarrassed to tell me her age cos she thinks I am younger than she is. I look after myself. Because of the nature of my job I interact with almost everyone in the business on a random basis.My marriage is so dead and my spouse has told me she does not blame me, she knows its her fault, my mates tell me to leave her. We stopped sleeping with each other a long time ago and we don't argue. We are like best friends. Both sets of families know the score. I love my children too much to leave right now. My eldest child said she knows mummy does not love me. I know my wife would fall apart if I leave. This is the core of her problem, she won't face her demons being going on for years. I done my best to help her but things have slowly deteriorated.I know if i don't man up and approach this hottie, I think sparks will fly...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): Why don't you consult your wife on what to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): I am not going to be judgemental here. Enough people are already doing that. Thank you for coming on this forum and being honest. It takes guts.So you are infatuated with a hot woman? Join the club. Men of all ages, shapes and sizes will always find other women appealing. Whether or not they are married does not change this fact.BUT the fact that you are both married does tie your hands on what you can do here. You are not available and neither is she. You can choose to have a fling together but where is that going to lead you? You might get hurt. She might get hurt. Your spouses might get hurt. It can turn out to be very messy for all involved. There is a lot at risk.I know you are considering a harmless fling because the attraction is so strong and you are probably not totally unhappy with your wife, just bored and living a life that has become predictable and ho hum. This woman has a body your wife will never have. Let me guess. She is also younger. You are tired of eating the same thing every night and want to sample something else on the menu. She is dishing it out in great, big helpings and offering it up on a silver platter. Sure, it is hard to resist. Temptation is a bitch.Why is it so hard to resist? Because it is forbidden. Because it is new. Because it has an allure. Because it would be a hot fantasy come true. Because this woman is fulfilling needs your wife can't fulfill anymore. So you try to convince yourself what is the harm in having a discreet relationship with her? Some people can handle meaningless sex if that is what they both want. But a lot of the time it gets complicated. Feelings surface and things get messy.You are not emotionally available to be with her. She is not emotionally available to be with you. The relationship would start on the wrong footing and would not survive for the long haul.If you really care about this other woman, you need to sit down and rethink your marriage and how you feel about your wife. If you are just bored and go through with this, you will be hurting your wife if she ever found out. And maybe the guilt of it all and your conscience would eventually get the best of you where you could no longer keep it a secret.Are you prepared to lose your marriage over this? Because chances are you will? If you are okay with this, then go ahead.I believe you need to sit down with this hottie and tell her how you feel. Ask her how she feels. Get it out in the open. Make sure she is not playing games. It is better to be honest with each other. It may diffuse the situation a little. Ask her if she would be willing to leave her marriage to be with you and consider if you would do the same. Then you can get together once the smoke has settled.But having an affair is just a temporary diversion from reality, an escape. You can choose to be with her but realize that this will probably become a pattern where you will start to escape with other women eventually. And what kind of life will that be? You will never truly be happy, always seeking that next high from that next pretty face that comes along.Sure, it is a tough situation because we cannot control our hearts or what we feel. Perfectly understandable. But we can control our actions. We do not have to give in to temptation. We do have a choice.If you truly love your wife, you will need to stop playing games with this other woman. Just distance yourself a bit and do not be as available. Soon enough she will take the hint and move on herself.Try connecting with your wife again. Maybe you don't spend enough time together? Maybe life got in the way somehow? Maybe you can join a gym together if she has let herself go? Try doing things together to find that spark again.If you can't find the spark, maybe it is time to move on. But you must have the strength to be honest with yourself and not hang onto a marriage out of duty or obligation. Life is too short. I understand the cake and eat it too theory. We want the best of both worlds. The dutiful wife at home that will take care of you and the hot fantasy girl in the bedroom that will rock your world sexually. But in reality it does not work this way. Somebody will get hurt. It can and does become more complicated so the easy route of having both becomes so much harder than you ever thought it could be. The deceit. The lies. The heavy conscience.In my opinion, if you are this attracted to another woman to the point of contemplating cheating, there are some serious issues in your marriage.You must make a decision. Stay with your wife and work to be happy. Or leave the marriage and find someone who will make you happy, ideally a woman who is not married herself.I wish you the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your answers. Much appreciated
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 How about if you ask your wife what to do?
YOU ARE MARRIED... what part of forsaking all others did you miss????
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 March 2013):
 Seriously GET OVER yourself and maybe take another look at your wife and your marriage? You want to play "cheating" with the office hottie or work on your marriage. Because OBVIOUSLY it needs work if you are THAT easily distracted.
You put yourself in the 41-50, are you sure that is correct? Because you sound more like a horny 16 year old.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (18 March 2013):
Here's the news:
YOU ARE MARRIED, that does not give you a GOD GIVEN right to cheat with other women.
I really liked the part where you said:
'discretion is important to me'
really???? I guess it would be, that way you can cheat all you like without getting caught!!!
I notice that fidelity, loyalty, respect for your wife isn't that important to you...
Marriage only ok until your penis starts twitching or someone else pays you attention????...GOD why do men like you even get married in the first place?...I guess so someone else washes your shitty pants!!!
Before you spew the line 'My wife doesn't understand me' there is a natural order of things you should know...
IF you are NOT HAPPY in your marriage and cannot be faithful, you get a DIVORCE, DIVIDE THE ASSETS...and then you are free to sniff around other women!!
But I guess that's too damn inconvienient.
Nobody here is going to tell you how to get away cheating on your wife because we all help broken hearted, distressed, worried and shocked individuals who have a partner like YOU.
You ARE the problem, so perhaps you need to find somewhere else to orchestrate your wrong doing!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): Unless you can man up and just ignore her, you need a new job/department... and fast.
this spells nothing but trouble and heartbreak, she didn't show any sort of romantic interest in you silly! she just showed she's immature.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): Stop this Jr high drama and realize that you are MARRIED. This is something kids do. These are games. So you are basically saying, you want to drop everything, have an affair with this "hottie" because of the fact she's attractive but you need to do it discreetly because you are MARRIED?! What should you do?? Leave her alone. Do your vows mean nothing, do hers mean nothing to you? Just because SHE doesnt respect them you think you should forget your vows also? I know its been a year and you havent done anything, but it sounds like you want to and uf you had the oppurtunity to be discreet about it you would. By the way, when you reciprocated by putting your hand on her thigh, you took a stepp toward cheating. You knew it was wrong. You sound like you dont care about your wife, nor have you even mention her. You dont do anything. If you really want to, end things with your wife first because she deserves better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): If your marriage is important to you, get a new job.
If your marriage isn't important to you, then flirt back. She will probably lose interest in you if the flirting goes further anyway.
And maybe she isn't interested at all and only had a bet with her friends if they picked some random guy and see if she can mess with his mind. I mean you been thinking about that one incident for over a year? Probably that's why her friends were giggling when you passed, they see you totally fell for it.
Are you a hunk yourself? I mean, if she is a hottie like you say, she probably has lots of good looking men already flirting with her and maybe she is playing the same game with them too for fun. What makes you think she is actually into you rather than into her own ego gratification or just to make her husband jealous? Are you equally attractive as she is? what makes you think she hasn't got lots of other men ensnared right now and thinking the same as you?
Get over yourself. With her having a husband and being a hottie it is highly unlikely anything would actually happen with you if you did try.
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