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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm losing all sexual attraction towards my bf. He used to be thinner and well-built and his face wasn't as round. Now, 2 years later, he never exercises, eats more, sleeps a lot and has gained, I would say, over 30 pounds. It's visible to everyone. The way he walks, the way he looks..his face is puffier, his neck is less visible, he has a stomach....I still love him all the same but I can't help but feel unattracted to him. I try but I can't....sometimes when he wants to have sex I get grossed out and want to push him off me. I feel horrible for writing this but what can I do? A year ago I was so attracted to him when he was fit...but now no matter how hard I try I don't enjoy having sex with him. He has quit his gym and works night shifts sitting on his butt for eight hours playing games...what do I do? I'm becoming stressed over this. I ask him to join my gym but he doesn't " believe" in gyms. I don't mean to sound superficial because I still love him the same way I used to but I want him to get in better shape, because I got into better shape for him (and myself). Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011):
For one thing, some day you aren't going to be 20 anymore. Odds are, unless you have great genes, you are headed the way he is soon enough whether you work out or not. So come to grips with that, because he's going to look at you at some point and no longer see the 20 year old hottie you are now. It may be when you are 40, it may be when you are 70, but eventually it happens to us all. So consider that.
If my girl told me I let myself go and she wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore I would tell her to hit the road even if she was telling the truth. I don't want to hear that from my love just like you wouldn't want to hear that he finds the cellulite on your thighs less than attractive. That's cruel and inconsiderate.
However, you can mention you worry about his health to some extent. You can also suggest you both go together. make it fun. Say you want to be the hottest looking couple on the beach next summer or something like that. He needs encouragement from you and he needs to know that you love him even if he does get fatter, balder, or more wrinkly. Beauty is skin deep.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): You can encourage him to get fitter again, because of his health. When bringing it up you must be careful though, as his feelings will be hurt and it could make him get even more depressed. It is natural to worry about your partner's health, so telling him your less attracted to him physically can cause insecurity on his part, and can leave him feeling a bit despressed. Doing night shift does make it hard to have the energy and time to go to the gym and stuff like that. I think the best way to deal with this is to talk to him about why he says he doesn't believe in Gym's anymore and try to find out why the change has occurred.
How would you feel if the person who claims to love you was saying these things about you? It may sound harsh, but I don't believe that you truly love him, because if you did, you wouldn't get grossed out by him wanting to show you he loves you physically. Relationships are not a market banter session, meaning if I have done this for you, you should do it for me. You need to be encouraging and supportive of him, and if your truly grossed out by him, then you should end the relationship and find someone who looks the way you want them to. You may not mean to be so superficial, but you are being superficial and judgemental. It's not that your concerned about his health, but the way he looks now he has put on weight.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): I just think you need to be honest and tell him how you feel (in a good way). It's completely normal to feel the way you are feeling, you love him but you isn't attracted to him anymore. It is not healthy to eat a lot and then not excercise, so you need to tell him that. I'm sure that he will understands, he loves you right? I think he also should put some effort to look good for you, that is important in a relationship.
Good luck!
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