| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am getting really depressed because there seem to be no available men around my age or slightly younger as potential boyfriend material. I keep being told I look really young for my age (approx 24 on average) when in fact I am 31, so I can't understand why I am only being hit upon by older men (predominately over 50 and even 60's). There is no-one at work, I go to male orientated events (no singles of my age), I've been to singles nights (predominately over 45's there. very very few young ones and even then aren't interested in me) and dated a few over 45's so I can't be accused of being narrow minded. I've joined internet dating (just picked up my messages to find mid 40's and 50's messaging me). No offence to you guys in your 40's, 50's, 60's but that is not what I want. I've been in tears over this as I want be desirable to the young men, of which there seem to be none around. Where do they hang out because everywhere I go there are very, very few available and if there are they never express an interest in me? There has not been one man under the age of 45 that has expressed an interest in me in all the activities I have tried and boy am I going out so much at the moment!. I am very flattered that older men find me attractive but why do the young men not want to go out with me? My friends told me I would be hard pushed to find any men in their mid 20's - mid 30's as most of them are embarking on marriage/long term relationships, and that younger men generally want younger women than them so I just feel really stuck right now - surely there must be some men in their mid-late 20's/early 30's that are single!!!! If so, where am I likely to meet them?!?!?!
View related questions:
at work, depressed, older men Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, lupa-k  +, writes (25 April 2007):
Some of the things that you can go to or join are specifically for people in a certain age bracket - certainly when I went speed dating once it was specifically for those in their twenties. This could be one avenue to specifically target the age of person whom you want. Dating can sometimes be like a supermarket - you wouldnt look for a tin of beans in the alcohol aisle, and if you want people who are younger, maybe places where younger people go could be the answer?
I'd disagree on most people in their 20s/30s being in a long term relationship - I personally think that people around my age (25) can sometimes just be scared ot express feelings, or to approach women who we find attractive - there has been change on things over generations and we're a lot less conditioned into making the first move than blokes were previously
A
female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (25 April 2007):
 I think that it is not quite so dire as your friends suggest. The men in their mid-20s to early 30s aren't all gay, married, or engaged--the real problem with feeling that only older men find you attractive is that older men are usually much more confident in approaching women. So where a man in his late 20s will ponder before calling a woman and worry about the next step, a man in his forties will just go for it. That makes it start feeling like only older men are chasing you.
That being the case, my suggestion is to start doing the chasing a little. Online dating is a great start, I have had good success with www.okcupid.com which is a free site and has a large population of the age you're looking for. Doing what you're doing is the best possible course--do activities that interest you, get out there where you can be seen--but I would also suggest that along with chasing any men yourself that tickle your fancy that you...do nothing.
Stop throwing yourself out there, stop crying over it, stop bewailing your lone status. It is a sad fact of life that love finds you when you aren't looking. There are a million and one theories for why this happens--I tend to think it is because men smell desperation and flee--but for whatever reason, it seems to be true. The harder you look, the less you'll find. So stop looking so hard, and wait for it to find you.
I wish you good luck.
...............................
|
