A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I woud like to be able to trust people again. I find it hard as i've been betrayed and rejected by so called friends. People tell me i'm hard to get to know, but I feel no one has made the effort because it takes a while for me to open up. I lack confidence and self esteem and its really getting me down. Im introverted and like my own space and find socialising exhausting, but with the right people extremely rewarding. All my interests are solo activities so I spend a lot of time alone and dont know what to do with myself in the company of others.I'm starting to feel isolated and jealous of other peoples friendships and ease at communicating effectively with others. I understand that everyone has to make an effort in a relationship so I was wondering if anyone had any tips or advice on how to be approachable and open so that others feel comfortable talking to you?thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): I know what you're going through to an extent. I was like that for a long while, from about 14-19 years of age in fact.
I was going through some tough times back in secondary school because of certain aspects at home. I had quite a few friends at the time but all that I got from them in the end was a knife in the back. After that I didn't want to bother with anyone else. I also left school to study at home when I was 14.
I always wanted to be left alone and so my social life greatly suffered as a result. I got to the point where it made me feel so ill just to look at couples and groups of friends. I was offered a few times to go to parties, hang out with people at college and such but I always said no thanks, I just didn't feel like it.
I regret the choices I made in my life every single second of everyday. But I'm moving on from that now and so can you. One main thing I've learned through all this is that "happiness is only real when shared". (Which was the last quote of Chris McCandless. Read the book or watch the film 'In to the wild' to know what I’m on about here).
Now I'm 20 going on 21 and I've only recently came to a realisation in my life. Because of the life I led I lost contact with all my friends that live nearby. I'm now having to build my social life back up from scratch. The best way I found to go about this is to just be yourself, take risks, and put yourself out there. If you're asked to go out with people you know you can trust then do so.
I know it may seem daunting & exhausting when you try to get yourself out there socialising but it’ll make you feel better about yourself in the long run.
Just be yourself and smile. If they don't like you for you then it's not really friendship. If you want to ease your way back into social conversations and such, use a social networking site where people are looking for new friends as well. I used (and still use) a site called OMGPOP myself which a LD friend got me into.
Sorry if I made this post seem about me, I’m only trying to share my experience so that you might find something from it for yourself.
Take care :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): Hard to say. I don't know how you've been hurt-so I don't know how to answer. Guess I'll assume youre an introvert who dated an extrovert who formed the bulk of your dealings with other people. No problems there, its not your fault to feel left out. You will because your inherent nature is not to seek out others. But this makes you feel guilty somehow. You see others and the perceptions of their relationships dwell on your psyche.
Feel good about the space you give yourself and invite those who seek out you to become part of this space. The alternative is live in a relationship with an extrovert and feel your robbed of this comfort. I have been in both worlds as an introvert. Can't say which one is easier.
Best of luck. Hope I helped.
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A
female
reader, HelloGirl  +, writes (30 April 2011):
Just smile when people interact with you (in a good way, of course), and start small talk with people you are interested in getting to know. Take baby steps in opening up, but don't over do it. Test people out and see how they react to you. If one seems nice, and willing to get to know you, then you got the green light to talk more with him/her. Always use caution even if someone seems really nice because there are tons of psychos out there, too. Good luck! :)
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