A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey everyone . im in a long distance relationship with my gf that i ve never met yet ! we met online a couple of years ago and we really got along ! we talk a lot and i really do love her like crazy and i guess she does to !! anyway my problem is i cant go and see her at the moment due to my busy schedule with university and also financially !! the thing is i cant stop thinking about her . shes in my mind like the whole time ! and somehow i feel depressed !! i used to be a really cool goin who used to go out alot and have fun with friends, but now all i do is sittin at thome waiting for her to come online ! im not sayin that i dont enjoy talkin to her but this has made me feel soo depressed honestly coz i really dont have any fun to do something except tlkin to heri dont think she has this problem coz shes all the time goin out with her friends and having fun!! i dont know how to CURE this !! coz its really started to kill me !! what do u guys think i should do !! i really love her and shes the one i want but i just need to get over this and go out and have fun :S
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 "The thing is we used to talk for hours"
What's that's supposed to mean you think? All relationships start off like that, don't think you and her are an exception to all relationships world wide. What you have is special to you, sure, but the fact that you used to talk for hours has nothing to do with how your relationship is currently. ALL relationships at the beginning are like that. You can't get enough of each other, you talk all the time, you are deeply in love, and you sit for hours and hours with each other. It hardly ever lasts that way for years. Talking is great like I said, and communication important. But do not expect that the relationship should continue like it was at the beginning, talking and talking for hours. Occasionally you will have the long deep talks, but not all the time.
Can I ask why you sit and wait for her? Does she not tell you when she will be online? Do you really not make plans for when to meet? Waiting for her is a waste of your time, and completely unnecessary too. Plan!
This will not sort itself out by magic once you meet up in real life. The problems you deal with now will still be there once you meet in real life, in fact I bet you will encounter even more pressuring problems once you finally do meet. Because right now you are only dealing with PARTS of her. Not all of her. You will not know what the full package of her brings along until you meet her, and most likely there will be things you were not prepared for. Things that weren't a factor while being in an online relationship. An online relationship is a sheltered relationship. You face less problems than a real relationship. You face different problems, but even so they are minimal to what you'd have to deal with in a physical relationship. Thinking that a problem will sort itself out once you meet is living in a fantasy land. The problem will still be there, and if you can't fix it now you can't fix it once you meet either.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe thing is, we used to talk for hours everyday. i must say she was like this too a while ago. she used to call me like everyday so we can talk , but lately i would say since a couple of months she started giving more importance to her social life, she would go out and stuff and she wouldnt come online for like 2 days ( while the stupid me is waitin for her ) but anyway you guys kinda opened my eyes, i do love her , and i mean what im saying, im crazy about her even though we never met, but still i need to get myself up and go out also. there are plenty of stuff to do in this world rather than just having a virtual life, hopefully we will meet soon and sort this out. thank you guys once again,,
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A
female
reader, auntyR  +, writes (10 March 2011):
I'm sorry to say this but you can't be having a real relationship with someone who you have never met. You need to break away from this person and go out and meet real people. You will meet someone special and realise what you have been missing all this time
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): if truly u love this gal then let her know what you are going through,and i sugest that you guys see each other physically.before u can conclude that this girl realy love you.please dont let someone stop u from enjoying yourself
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): Your online girlfriend is obviously doing okay, but you are definitely not. This online relationship is not bringing joy into your life, in fact, it's having a detrimental effect. It is isolating you, and that is no good.I have my serious doubts about online relationships and their potential to last after the correspondents meet. I could easily go online and make myself seem like someone's soulmate - it's easy to type all the right things, isn't it? It's a different matter when you are expected to step up to the mark and walk the talk.Is this online relationship really worth risking all you have achieved at university so far? Please, take a step back, look at how isolated and unhappy you have become. If this online relationship was right for you, you would not be feeling as you do now.Make a point of getting in touch with your friends at university, go out with them, have fun with them. If you're so isolated you have no-one to go out with, join one of the many clubs or social activities that are available at university. Do you like sports, or art, or drama? What are your interests? Afterall, this means you'll have much more interesting things to tell your girlfriend when you are online ...You are beginning to be obssessive and that is not healthy. Keep yourself strong, live your life and you will have so much more to offer this girl if the two of you decide to meet.With love and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (10 March 2011):
Is there a time difference between her and you? Why are you staying online waiting for her?
I was doing the same as you just a year ago. Was in an online relationship, we'd met in real life, but due to distance it was based on online contact. I was sitting there, waiting and waiting, checking my inbox 50 times a day, you know the drill. It killed my social life, I never went out anymore because of the time difference. The only time at day I could talk to my then boyfriend was in my evening and night-time! He'd keep me up all night if he wanted too, and I was such a sucker for love and attention that I gladly stayed up for as long as I could.
Don't do the same as me. You're depressed because a relationship can not fulfill all your needs. You need a LIFE of your own. Something that makes you happy. Your girlfriend is supposed to be only in addition to the life you already have. Once you quit living, and just depend on your girlfriend for happiness, things will go downhill.
What you should do is be strict with yourself. No sitting around online waiting! You're not a lap dog, sitting at home like you're waiting for your owner. Don't lower yourself to that. Get out and have fun. Only go online when you have a date with your girl. You and her need to set up week-plans on when you will meet to talk, and for how long. Set up a good plan for when to meet! No loose arrangements. 9pm-11pm, for example, no give or take. Then you're online at that time, not two hours earlier, and get off at the time you agreed as well! No matter what!
Once you have set plans, use the rest of the time on YOU. Do things you enjoy. My experience with a long distance relationship is that you try to see each other as much as possible. Which is good in itself, because you don't have the physical contact, meeting as often as possible becomes the natural substitute. However, limit it to the dates you make! You must not sit two-five hours online WAITING. If you haven't agreed to meet, don't go online.
Next, don't agree to meet every day. Give yourself a minimum of two nights every week where you are free to do whatever you want without having to go home to talk to her. Choose any two days of the week you want, for example Saturday and Wednesday. Saturdays you then get to go out and have fun and do activities. Wednesdays the same, you can join an activity, or even just sit at home and read a good book, or watch tv. You need time where you know you will NOT meet your girlfriend.
Do not make your entire life about her. That is a trap many fall into, even those who live close.
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