A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, My partner and I have been together for a little over 3 yaers now and have lived together for 2 years. Over that time I've goten to know him and to this day i still cant figure out a few things about him and why he does things. I've only met his parents once, briefly and he never talks about them, although he assures me everything is ok, but he meets them in secret or so it seems, because he never says anything. I dont understand why? We dont even get cards of any type addressed to the both of us form anyone he knows family or freinds and people on my side do , family and freinds (even my parents freinds).Not once has he had any of his freinds back to our flat, not even his parents, unless he's had them back when I've not been there (he's done that before in our old flat, and hid photos of us)He told me he was cleaning and forgot to put them back but the others where there, his ones, I dont get it. My partner goes out to all these shows and play with his friends but i very very rarley get invited. I suggest all sorts of things to do, even with his freinds, but hardly nothing ever perspires. So most times im left in the house myself, alot of my freinds have family so its difficult to see them. I hardly ever get to meet his freinds and I've also heard him refer to me as a freind 7 times. Which makes me think he tells no-one about me.I just dont get why he's doing these things and not telling me things there has to be a reason. I dont think he's cheating on me, but icant figure it out please help. I love him but its becoming really confusing and difficult. Thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2013): Hi again, yeah i was a bit scared of that being said actually, he may have detached himself already, but sometimes it doesnt seem that way. Its hard to explain, sorry. I do hang out with friends any chance i get but they all have family and work, so its difficult to see them regulary. I work too but only p/t at the moment, but my partner works alot too, we've had a talk about how he's taking on way too much but he just cant say no. And it doesnt give us much time at all, so we're not 24/7, i sometimes get the feeling he's just to busy for me, for a relationship. But i may be over thinking that. I dont know what to fo now, if we break up i have no-where to go, although my parents stay close they have my two other siblings back so it leaves me in rather difficult position i think :/. Thanks for replying again x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): Hello again, I think if you are not allowed to be involved socially with him and you dont even have a sex life then it sounds to me he has emotionally ended his relationship with you already.
Also its not healthy for you to make every thing in your life to evolve round him because he is not the the one who has to make you whole and complete emotionally. That is for you and you alone to feel happy and comfortable in your own skin. Dont sit around waiting for him to call the shots, get out and about with your own friends. Dont stop your social life with your friends, because you need a life out with your relationshhp. Nobody wants to be with someone 24/7 in a relationship, it ends up smothering otherwise. Hope this helps x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): Hi thank you for replying, the both of you have the same point about him not being out. But I asked him that a while ago and he assured me he was out and everything is good with his parents and freinds. I should of mentioned that sorry. So thats where its really confusing and I just dont get it. I sat him down and bluntly asked are you out and he promised me he was. So I just dont know and its making things awkward for me. And its go on that long I dont know where to start Im scared of saying the wrong thing. (I done that before and it almost ended the whole thing).
Our sex life has practicaly fallen off the face of the earth, we fool around here and there but when we I ask him he says he not bothered is quite happy to continue what we're doing, I honestly cant remember the last time we had sex.
A few time this has happened too, most recently last week, he went out 5 nights in a row to see show's/plays with his friends and not once did i get invited, a couple of them i would of liked to have seen, and he dint come home till around midnight every night for 5 days. We got to see eachother about 5 hours in total that week. That was a tought week for me.
Your answers are good but im still confused and its driving me a bit nutty, any more advice would be really great.
Thanks again x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): It sounds to me that you and all your friends and family know you and he are in a gay relationship. However his family and friends dont because he has not came out. It maybe because his parents do not accept gays and he just doesnt want to cause them any upset. Its easier for him to upset you because you love him unconditionally but he may think that wont be the case with his elder parents and relatives.
What ever you do dont force him to come out, thats his choice and if you feel that you cant accept this, then maybe you have to think of continuing or not with him.
Remember even although you are in a relationship, you have to love your own wants and needs aswell as respecting your partners wants and needs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): It sounds like to me that your partner has not told anyone he is gay??? Does that make sense to you?
Ask him point blank about that.
Good Luck
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