A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys! Really need some relationship advice :( so I have been with my fiance for 2.5 years. I have always supported him, he wanted to go into the army - I stuck around, he wanted to do a degree from home - I stuck around, he now wants to stick in his job and go into politics - I stuck around. He has just been a canadate in a local election and I helped design leaflets, deliver leaflets. I have written one of his degree and typed up another one. However, I have exams in 8 days but does he help me? Nope! Another issue is with his mother. She has a house for him but the area is now full of druggies, he wants her to sell it but won't ask her cause he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. So he wants me to move into this awful area. Then we arranged our wedding for 2016, but his mummy wants us to move it to 2017 as its her 50th birthday that year. He agrees! They seriously wants us to move our wedding for his mum.Finally. He is selfish with money. He has said its our money, he will support me through uni. But i never get a say where money goes etc i don't ask for a lot but he moans if we need to go shopping. What does he want us to do starve?I just don't know what to do. If i confront him he gets defensive and won't listen. He often says he's going to leave but never does!Please serious replies, not just 'leave him' if i wants to do that I wouldn't post on here lolThank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): Why us women put up with the likes of these kind of men, I will never understand. But I can't judge you, because I've certainly been there.
It's good that at least your aware that you deserve more and that his behavior is selfish. Believe me, I've had friends doing doormats duty and not even know that they were; at least you get that you deserve better.
This is the thing you have to face cold and hard. If he won't listen, he won't listen, and you can't make him change. You've got to come to full term with this, don't sign up thinking your going to transform him, because you're not. If you can go on and accept him for the way he is, you've found Mr. Right, but if you know in your soul you can't accept then you have no other choice but to leave.
Look hard and long at why you want to marry him. So, if you decide to marry him and go along with all this, then just know that you are agreeing to marry someone who is like this and isn't going to change. Heck, maybe you should suggest some counseling as a final effort, if he's not open to that and your efforts of trying to talk it out fall upon deaf ears, he ain't gonna change.
If you do decide you are going to stay, one thing I would highly suggest is to get selfish right back especially with your money. I don't know who controlling what, but keep your own bank account at the very least. Because frankly, you sound like a women who isn't going to last very long with someone wiping their feet all over you, and when you do get the strength to leave...you want financial backing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): I agree with both I'm here to help you and aunty bimbim. ask yourself are you happy in this relationship? find out about the answer, look deep inside your soul and ask yourself why are you with him and if need be you both go for counselling or sit him down at tell him exactly how you feel !! tell him what you've just told us. What will happen, will he walk away? will he listen? I am not saying you should leave him, you don't want to hear that, however I'm afraid there is no any other advice for your situation. What you going to do? move your wedding for another year for his mom's sake and move into a neighbourhood that is not safe for his mom's sake? whose life is it? your life or his mom's life? If he genuinely cares about you, why would he let you in this neighbourhood. Are you planning to have kids? will you feel safe to have your kids grow up in this unsafe place!!
I hope this really helps. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 May 2013):
 Why would any of us suggest you leave this paragon, he sure sounds like an ideal catch, and the fact he puts his dear old mum first just goes to show where his priorities are.
I am surprised you have posted here, afterall doormats don't usually have english skills or access to the internet.
You list your age as under 21, if he has been in the army, and gained a second degree (typed up by you) and has now stood for a position in local government just how old is he, and if you have been around for all the above, just how young were you when you got together??
We know where his mummy is, ie pulling his strings, but where are your parents in all this? Surely they are not happy watching their daughter put her life and education on hold for some twat who keeps threatening to leave. If you were my daughter I'd be telling him to stop with the threats and to just do it, ASAP or he would be getting and extra hand, or boot, from me.
Don't leave him if you don't want to, but be aware, you know what he is and who is is, and he is unlikely to change. Its your choice, be second best and stay with him or be first best and do the thing that will be best for you.
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