A
female
age
36-40,
*oxStar
writes:Hi, I'm 21 and I live in the US and my 2 year boyfriend lives in Mexico. He comes and goes because he is in school over there. I have a big issue with him not doing a lot of things, I am a wonderful girl, I'm smart, strong, outgoing, easy going, funny, and the problem is I just can't seem to put my foot down and say enough when I am with him. He sets the phone-dates based on his testing days which is reasonable but 4 days apart? I don't know if I am over reacting. We have came across many instances where our relationship was tested. My bf is an attractive phsyc. major, and is very charming. There has been several women who want my bf and they make it known by texts, and emails. That has really made me be kinda paranoid and scared that by him being in Mexico, he can easily cheat on me. I don't know, we have been through a lot, and he says he loves me and only me... I don't feel comfortable with him always having women chasing him. Yesterday he asked me to call him several times and today when I needed to speak to him he didn't answer the phone, he said he was going to the museum with one of his buddies, but he didn't answer the phone, not until 9pm (the time HE set for our phone date).
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female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (4 March 2009):
 Confidence is everything. Some of the most attractive women and not bombshells, they are just confident. Work on that.
A
female
reader, RoxStar +, writes (4 March 2009):
RoxStar is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you so much cat!
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (2 March 2009):
 Trust is the key word here. Second key word is insecurity. You have already identified these key words yourself.
Are you strong enough to let go of your paranoia of him cheating? Is it more of paranioa or a "hunch" based on past experience? Phone calls may not be returned immediately - or unaswered - could be caused by many things, depending on the country (lost signal or blank spot, provider not reliable in sending message of "missed calls", phone turned off in class/study group/lecture sessions, etc etc etc)
College pressures are not dissimilar to work pressures in the office. Deadlines, exams (in a work environment, performance evaluation!), homework, etc etc .. But if he only wants to talk to you when it is convenient for him, that is not exactly right either. It only takes 1 minute to write a text message on phone, he should be able to do it perhaps daily. Phone calls may be a bit expensive for him. Or it could also be that he could multi-task well LOL i.e. he cannot think about you and do his work well at the same time LOL
The next time he is with you in the US, talk about what you want and match it up what he can do to help you. Then ask her what he wants and what you can do to help him. If your answers do not match, then I think you already know what options you have in your relationship.
Good luck, and I hope it works out well with the both of you.
Cat
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