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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Okay, so, I have a tricky situation. I was in an abusive relationship up until recently (end of October). We got into a HUGE fight (physical and emotional) and here's where I'm lost... my ex hasn't even tried contacting me to apologize or get his things. I love him still, sure- but this has happened one too many times and I AM going to court this next month. I already saw him at the hearing and he looked like he was going to cry and then motioned "I love you" to me. I'm so scared he's going to come back and I'll take him back or two, he'll hurt himself. Second, I finally made a move on this guy I've crushed on for years. It's been a mutual attraction, but never went anywhere. Finally, I was very obvious about my attraction and we spent one night together. He brought up "relationship" topics that night and then I couldn't sleep and asked would he bring me home. I know it was too soon to make any big decisions like this, but as expected, the next day didn't go well. I went to a party (he had tickets to a football game), and he got angry when he found out, days later that I had gone out and partied on the beach with some friends... even though he barely talked to me for DAYS after this incident. I go out, end up seeing him and he's flirting with me (keeps touching me, making jokes) and finally I tell him he's really hurt my feelings and that what he did/didn't do wasn't alright. He asked me to go outside and talk with him, and I did... but I merely brought up the fact that he didn't call or text me after what I considered a "big deal" and him too (at the time)... even days later and that I'm not really THAT hard to please. He agreed and apologized and I walked away and left things at that, half expecting him to chase me. What gives? I know this guy is probably the worse than, or just as bad as my ex (he likes to party), but it still raises my curiosity as to WHY he would fill me up with so much talk (even after hooking up) and telling me that he would call the next night (made it a BIG deal) and then just left me hanging, only to keep trying to get my attention, but only WHEN or IF I see him out. Opinions?I know this sounds kind of promiscuous, but believe me when I say that this is NOT the way things have turned out in the past. I actually liked this other guy and it was OVER between my ex and I when this happened and now. I'm just so hurt to be walked all over by not one, but two men.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): "my ex hasn't even tried contacting me to apologize or get his things. I love him still, sure . . . "Exactly what good would it do for an emotionally and physically abusive boyfriend to "apologize" for emotionally and physically abusing you? And why do you still profess to "love" a guy who emotionally and physically abuses you?" . . . he looked like he was going to cry and then motioned 'I love you' to me."He assumes that's all he needs to do to get you to forgive and forget his emotional and physical abuse."I'm so scared he's going to come back and I'll take him back or two, he'll hurt himself."Why not be scared that he'll come back and he'll emotionally and physically abuse you or two, he'll hurt you?"Second, I finally made a move on this guy I've crushed on for years. It's been a mutual attraction, but never went anywhere. Finally, I was very obvious about my attraction and we spent one night together."Your solution to getting away from an emotionally and physically abusive boyfriend is to hop into bed with a virtual stranger on whom you previously had an unrequited fantasyland crush. "but it still raises my curiosity as to WHY he would fill me up with so much talk (even after hooking up) and telling me that he would call the next night (made it a BIG deal) and then just left me hanging, only to keep trying to get my attention, but only WHEN or IF I see him out. Opinions?"I'm presuming that guy number two knows you well enough to assume, like me, that you crave any kind of attention from a man (only thing worse than being walked on is being ignored), and you're also addicted to drama as a way to generate and maintain attention. Stringing you along with sweet talk, fluffery and flattery, false or implied promises, and insincere apologies while keeping you guessing satifies both YOUR requirements for a "relationship." Unfortunately needy, clingy chicks like you tend to attract charming, manipulative con artists who tend to turn out to be lying, controlling, abusive scumbags. "I know this sounds kind of promiscuous, but believe me when I say that this is NOT the way things have turned out in the past. I actually liked this other guy and it was OVER between my ex and I when this happened and now. I'm just so hurt to be walked all over by not one, but two men."Instead of defending yourself, you should be taking self-inventory. That you've been walked over by two men is NOT random coincidence, it is the result of choices YOU made, although you are probably consciously unaware of the forces motivating and driving your behavior.I can only suspect that you have long-term, deep-seated, unresolved issues that are leading you down a very self-destructive path, and I can only respectfully but firmly suggest you see a counsellor so you can understand and come to terms with the gaping emotional voids and chasms that you are so desperately trying to fill any way you possibly can, so far with semi-disastrous results.Please get the help you need.
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