A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically, i'm just sick of being alone. Im 17, and i've never had a boyfriend. Well, not a proper one at least. I think i had one a couple of years back, but it lasted about 2 weeks, so i don't consider it so. I've only ever had one kiss (and it wasn't that great!). I look around me and all of my friends are in relationships, have had sex, have had multiple loves (or so they say) and it just makes me realise im alone and im sick of it! My mum keeps telling me he right guy will come along, but when? I mean, i know im only 17, but, like i said, when i look around, i see everyone else has what i want so badly! Sometimes i can't help but cry. Cause im crap like that :( I've tried,like, talking to people on the net and stuff, but most of the guys in my country are complete twits - arrogant, selfish, etc. I want to believe that i will find someone soon, but i just dont, cause there is nothing to suggest i will. I don't exactly know what kind of an answer im looking for, i guess i just needed to vent. But im just feel so alone all the time, and i have no one to make me feel loved :( thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): hey there, i guess i can feel the same way you do, but i have learned that when you look for something very bad you are not going to find it, so right now my advise :
try to be happy, dont suffer for such insignificant things, i now its a big deal and more at 17 because everyone has someone special at their side, but dont worry for now try to party alot have fun.
enjoy the beautiful things you have in your life right now, your friends, your family, your hobbies etc
and then when you stop looking
you will see the right guy or at least someone by your side.
but right now take your time, enjoy life
=)
A
female
reader, Melanne +, writes (7 April 2007):
 You sound like you are feeling very low at the moment. You are fed up of being on your own and this makes you feel lonely and depressed. I suppose you must think you yourself that you will never get a proper boyfriend, but at the same time 17 is still young and one day that right man will find you. Do you see how I said he will find you? I was a lonely teenager and had never really had guys stick around long enough for me to know them.
I was used by men for sex and never thought I would find anyone that loved me for me. However, at the age of 26 a man found me. It was when I stopped looking and he is my husband. I have a baby with him and am very happy. Do you hear that? It has taken me all this time to be happy with the right one and it was when I stopped looking. It was lonely in the process, I wasn't popular at school and I never had guys that stopped for long.
I don't know exactly how you feel because I am not you, but I do have some idea of the loneliness and isolation. What I want to ask is do you really want what your friends have got? Do you want men to use you and then walk off or would you rather wait for the right man? Because there are a lot of bad men in the world but, amongst them are some nice men who treat women the way that they should.
You say that everyone around you has what you want so badly. But, do they? You don't know how they feel about themselves. They could have lots of men, but still feel unhappy. I thought I was happy sleeping around, but I wasn't. I wanted someone who loved me. Not something false and superficial.
I've noticed you put yourself down a lot and you think you are crap. I think you have a mild form of depression. It certainly sounds like you are feeling very low. You don't seem to have a lot of self esteem and I am wondering if you went to a counsellor whether that would help you? Or if you see your GP maybe they can put you on a mild dose of antidepressants.
You say that most of the guys in your Country are complete twits so you do realise that many of the men are not worthy of the love you could give them. They are at the stage where they want sex and no comittment. I get the sense from what you say that you want something more than that and you deserve something more.
I started going out with women because I thought that I would get what I needed from a relationship with a woman. The friendship and companionship I needed, but what I found out is that women are just as bad as men. In fact, they can be worse. I'm not suggesting you have ever thought about this, but I just wanted to share a little of my own experience with you.
The waiting game is difficult and my best friend used to say to me you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find you prince and that is true. It would be good if the right man came along at once, but it doesn't work like that. You have to find out about men first and experiences like waiting or dating the wrong men all prepare you for finding the right man. Because when it happens you know that you know he is the man for you. It takes time like I said it took me till I was 26 and I had ever given up on finding the right man. Then he just turned up and I am happy with a lovely daughter. I had to wait though and go out with a lot of men in the process. It is a long process and it takes time and involves getting hurt a lot. Like I say you are young and have a lot of time in front of you.
Also you say you have no-one to make you feel loved. It sounds as though you don't love yourself a lot and it would be good if you could start looking at the positive things about you. Start valuing who you are and the way you are coping with life. It took courage to write this post, but you did it. I hope I have helped a little. If you need to ask anything or want to talk more you can drop me a note. All the best to you.
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