A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, I need some advice or maybe some pointers in the right direction. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months this Thursday. I had a trust issue with him, but I'm learning to trust him now. I think I may almost completely trust him but a little part of me is still a bit cautious because I've trusted 5 other guys before and my heart was still broken even though I was the one who ended the relationships. However, they didn't last very long. At the most, probably two and a half months, and they have all ended because 1) the guy didn't possess any of the qualities I could see myself dealing with or being with for a long time or 2) they were jackasses. As I had said earlier, I did have a trust issue with my current boyfriend. We had broken up about 2 and a half months into our relationship but got back together 2 days later. The reason why we broke up, so he says, is because he felt like I didn't like him as much as I had said I did. So I was really sad about that, and probably heartbroken because I really liked the guy but it was true that I didn't really show him how much I liked him because I was reluctant on how long we would last. So when he broke up with me, it confirmed my worst fears that I had a 2-2.5 month dating curse lol. And he was the first guy to dump me.When we got back together, he was the one to ask if I would take him back. His reason was because he missed me and that there must have been more there than he had thought. Plus, that weekend I had spontaneously made plans to hang out with some of my friends and facebook helped since he said he wanted to still be friends with me... Not that I would have kept in contact with him... lol.So now, I think I'm kind of nervous about passing the 2.5 month mark. We have already been talking about future plans that will/might be coming up in the next couple of months. And he says he wants to be in a long term relationship with me. He does look at other girls when I'm with him, and sometimes he'll even voice his opinions to me. But he told me he does it because it is him, and he can be brutally honest. He also told me he did it because he likes to make me mad cuz he thinks it's cute that I get mad at him for it.. which I admit can kinda be cute, since he wants to get a reaction out of me... I don't really find it annoying any more. I just use it as an argument if we have little bickers. He has also told me that a girl had asked him to hang out with her one time, when he was doing his laundry before he came to pick me up from work, but he told her that he was gonna pick up his girlfriend and then left when he was done with his laundry to come pick me up from work. I don't really have any proof of that, or whether or not she gave him her number and he took it... But I believe him on this one. There's still something there that's keeping me from fully trusting him. I can't really pin point it down or explain it. It's just a feeling I have. Will this feeling disappear if I keep going with him? Should I keep going with him? I really like this guy. He pays for me (lol), is willing to drive me places until I get my car back, and I get along great with his friends. So what is this feeling that is keeping me from completely trusting him? Am I just afraid of commitment?
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female
reader, baybee-x-sparkii  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 Hey sweetie :)
There is such a thing as being scared of committement, this can come from anything like an ex boyfriend or just your personality in general (as in you don't like being tied down to one thing or person) and trust issues are understandable. Just give it time, I'm sure he will prove to you that he is trust-worthy but just warn him it's going to take time because of what has happened in the past.
Good luck :)
SB :) x
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