A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really hope this doesn't sound stupid...In the last few years, I've had a few problems in my life, as everyone does. I struggle with my mum's relationship with my brother. He's a year older than me. I'm very envious, which often makes me nasty towards both of them. My mum seems to think he is the most perfect person in the world, even though he dropped out of college, got appalling GCSEs, is very lazy amongst other things. He never helps, he never does as he's asked, he's very rude....He never has been different. My mum's always denied she treats us any different. until he was diagnosed with depression about a year ago then she changed her story to "you're both different people, therefore i have to treat you differently," she has since changed her 'story' to "I just click with him better, he's got a much more laid back personality than you," And the amazing statement of "Well, it doesn't matter now, you're off to university soon,"My brother attempted suicide about three years ago and it kind of put my family in a really awkward situation.. Like, everyone was lost. I can still remember so clearly when we had the police round our house searching for him and I don't think I'll ever forget handing the officer a photo of my brother. He was diagnosed with depression and is still receiving treatment for it - although he is getting better. I know it's terrible but I just see this depression as a label for all the times he's ever been a jerk.. He doesn't act any differently or anything. I know this is me probably just be pathetic, but it really hurts and I just don't know what to do anymore.I self harmed from the age of about twelve to fifteen - mainly to do with my self image and I was friends with people who were fairly unsupportive. When my parents found out they just yelled at me and said they'd get me some help.. It never came.My parents split up in 2007, two weeks before Christmas - I knew it was coming, but it was still upsetting. And then a week later, my eldest brother's (not the one I have previously mentioned) girlfriend miscarried which was very upsetting for our family. Then in March 2008 I became pregnant and had to get rid of it. The guy only seemed to liked to wind me up, one minute he'd tell me he loved me and that I should keep it, the next he was saying it was a shame nothing could work. He even thought it would be a great idea to tell me the night I came out of hospital that he had had sex with another girl the evening before. (Charming, hm!?) Thanks to some very good friends, I saw the next few months out fine - but then found out that my brother's girlriend was pregnant again. She gave birth two weeks after mine would have been due if I'd have kept it. The worst thing I think is that since my dad's moved out I've not seen him even quarter of as much as I used to, but he absolutely dotes on his new granddaughter and the worst thing is I wonder if I'd have kept mine would he love me more? He did want me to keep it. I also found out about a month after moving to university that he's been seeing someone else for a while - but my mum told him not to tell us as it would hurt. However, his girlfriend's children know all about him, we've not even met her. I just feel like such a mug, I'm not even going to begin to describe what my mum and dad's relationship is like. The thing is, I know my dad has a foul temper but can I really believe everything my mum says to be true?Anyway, I've now moved to uni where I just seem to be struggling with my course, but I really want to stick it out. However, I really am not sleeping properly as I just seem to lie in bed thinking about what's happened and stuff. I also have such a poor self image of myself (I put on weight a bit of weight when I was pregnant and don't seem to be able to shift it). It must annoy my friends when I go on about it but I really don't seem to be able to stop myself. I'm just not happy with who I am, but maybe that's my own fault for not being able to rise above everything?I even managed to find a boyfriend who I trusted and really liked, but had to end things because he lives so far away and now I feel as if no one will ever like me again and I feel so insecure and uncertain without someone there to love me. The thing is, my childhood was amazing - my parents were superstars, so where has all this uncertainty and insecurity come from?Sorry this is so long, but I'd really appreciated some help - thank you so much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): I know how you feel...
things have been pretty much the same for me with my sister...
sometimes i just what to punch her in the nose!
the only thing to do is try to think how blessed you are to still have him, i mean not everyone has a brother, even though your mum likes him better I'm sure she likes you just as much but in a different way...
my mum always says that not everyone is good at everything...
hope this helps and don't mean to hurt you!
A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (2 February 2009):
 you poor thing! These past few years must have been horrid for you! It might be worth a chat with your doctor, to see if he can help, it might be that you have become depressed yourself? There has been a lot going on, and that is hard to deal with. Loosing a baby is awful.... and the guilt af having done it intentionally can sometimes be unbearable, i know.... but you have to think about the life your baby would have had? i am sure you made the right desicion at the time. I doubt your brother is doing anything intentionally to upset you, and i would try to cling to that if i were you, his depression musnt be classed as a label, merely a blib in his life that he needs your support to overcome. I must admit that in my family, i was very much like your brother... i was the one with the problems, and i got away with loads... it is only now that i have come out of that fog that i can understand what it was like for my sister, and i feel awful... she felt very much like you do... that she was pushed out and unloved...when i spoke to my mum about it, she said that she was wrong to push the others out... she was just so worried about me and making me better that the others had to take a back seat... i fear this is how its been for you. I hope your mum only said those things about loving you because she was stressed at the time and pre ocupied with your brother. although that is no excuse, hopefully it will help you see things from her and your brothers point of view... i know this message is long and im sorry lolgo to the doctor and say what you have said here, mention how you are felling and whats been going on.I can only imagine what it must have been like to have to hand your brothers photo to the police...it must have been awful. look, i am always here to chat, feel free to message me. i hope i havnt offended you here.all the best.... and remember that thing always get better... if you fell over you would get back up again wouldnt you? this is the same, your brother, mum, famnily and past have tripped you up... it is time now to get back up. it may take some time, but you will get there.-x-
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