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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: i cant cope with life no more! is there anything i can do for my boyfriend apart from be there for him, i know its selfish me thinkin about my feelings when hes going through such a rough time but im really messed up! my boyfriend has recently found out he has cancer, hes known for a while but he hasnt admitted it or got help.i wont go into too much detail because its not needed but he has cancer! i know its known and theres 100000's of people with it but hes my boyfriend and its not sinkin into me, hes only 18?! im now 16, since i was 13 ive lost my dad, my nanna, my BEST friend, and then in feb i had a miscarriage.I'm just like a magnet for negative things and all i seem to do lately is cry, will he be ok?! ive been with him for over two years and he is my life :(how can i be there for him more without showing my feelings too much? thankyou for answers in advance.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): I am sorry to hear of your boyfriends' illness. Cancer is such a terrible thing. You can make a difference for him by being strong. Hopefully he will get treatments & recover. Put yourself in his position & imagine what you would want him to do for you, what you would want from those around you...try your best to be strong & give him those things, that support. No feeling sorry for him, just good vibes. Positive energy from you & from himself is what is needed to make him strong & fight. Also research (online, or libraries, news articles)additional things you can do in regards to diet, positive thinking...sort of along the lines of natural remedies etc. but certainly heed his Dr's advice, this would just be additional positive actions you can take control of.
I can not personally relate to your situation, so I can not even begin to imagine what you are feeling. All I can do is write what I am thinking & what I would hope I would be brave enough to do in your situation. Be strong.
I am also sorry to hear about the passing of your family members & friend. That's got to be tough, but it WILL make you stronger, might not seem like it now, trust me, it will.
As far as being a "magnet" for negative things...my dear...that is a bunch of balony! DO NOT feel sorry for yourself...you are better than that. Take this advice for what you want...but this is my age and experience talking to you now...listen up! You are 16, you have a whole life of experiences (good & bad) ahead of you. Life sucks sometimes & life rocks sometimes, you can't have only the good. Now, you need to finish school, how would you have done that with a baby...you have plenty of time to have babies. Miscarriages are a sad thing...when you're MY age, not when you are 16! Smarten up. Do you realize that I have barely gone out in the 7 years since I had my 1st child?? When you have a baby you are tied down, you are too young to be tied down now. You need to be with friends, enjoying your youth, it only happens once & it doesn't last very long. Use birth control, be safe & have fun! When you are finally a Mother, you can help your children by giving them advice based on these very experiences you are going through now, that is the main reason all this is happening. Trust me on this one. You've "been there, done that"
Lastly, there are probably a large number of resources in your community to help someone like you cope with these issues. To help you find a councillor or social worker. Online there are probably thousands of places for you to seek help. Talk to someone if needed, family? friends?
Good Luck, all the best
Do not give up, it's all for a reason!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): It depends on the type of cancer, and how early its noticed and treated.
1 in 3 people get cancer, and 70% of them survive. The best thing you can do for him is be there for him.
You saying your a magnet for negative things worries me. No one is a 'magnet'. There is no God. There is no supernatural world. Your just incredibly unlucky. Incredibly.
And I think its remarkable how well you've gone so far.
Crying all the time isn't a good thing, and the smartest thing to do is express this to a friend you can trust or even going to a consuellor who can help you manage stress and bad times.
I'd go but I'm a coward. Your not a coward though, and I admire your courage. Just stay hopeful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): I know some what you're talking about. One of my closest friends was diagnosed with stomach cancer. I cried for days when I found out and I felt even more sad because I was in a different school at that time apart from her. And she's so young, only 18!
But really, don't blame yourself of these things happening. You're not a magnet for negative things, the things that have happened to you are just coincidences, or as a matter of fact, it's life.
For instance, I never EVER thought someone close to me would have a serious illness, but it happened. I blamed myself for not being there, for not being nicer to her, for not telling her to take care of herself, but then I realized that keeping blaming myself would NOT make the situation better. I pulled myself up and decided to stop being selfish and determined myself to help my friend. When I'm with her, I feel so much sadness (because of how pysically ill she looks, it's so terrible) but you know I always have thought that a person would feel much better if they laugh. And that's what I do. Me and my friends make her laugh with what we say and with what we do. We try to make her feel better, we try to stick by her every way. Also, I have hope. I have hope she will survive her treatments and the cancer and that she'll live a full life, even when the chances are dim. I hope for her to have a good life.
So you can base my example with your life. You can try the same things I did in your own way, but what you must do is to ALWAYS be there for your boyfriend... and make him happy. Also, even if you're non-religious or are a "realistic" person, have hope, have HOPE that he will get better or that he will be happy.
I hope you feel better and that your boyfriend's cancer will be cured. Good luck
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