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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm just about to get out of my 25 year long marriage. And I need some help. I feel, maybe I'm making the most horrible mistake in my life, or the best choice, I have I ever made. I really don't know.. I'm in so much pain. I really didn't want this to happen. I thought I was with the love of my life, but now I think, or it's never been the case, or its over now.We have grown children, and the parenting is over. But I still don't know if I can leave now.I tried almost everything to save this relationship,but I can't it just going in a direction, where its gets nastier and nastier. I feel ,my instincts are telling me, get out now, while you still can, and have some energy. Because later he might just leave me, and it will be much harder if I can make that step.I don't want to go into too much what is going on, just shortly.NO INTIMACY, NO TIME TOGETHER IN JOY, NO INVOLVEMENT, NO PLANS TOGETHER. He just works like mad, and is becoming a stranger to me.I know, many of you on this site are very familiar with emotional pain, and I know you might think, what's her problem, but I really do suffer. And it is because I can't go, or can't stay. My other problem is that I don't want to tell him where I went, as I coouldn't handle a traditional divorce madness right now. What should I do? Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): Thanks very much again. You are very kind , I will try something like that, I'm sure it is not easy, but I got your point that, it might be an ''eyeopener ;' for him, about the things he is missing.
What do you think, why someone bcomes like this, is it hiding something?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): Thanks again, Gina and otheres.
Yes,we did go to couple therapy, but he is just not doing anything to learn. So the real big problem ,that he thinks, he is not a workaholic.And this is ,what makes it so hard.
It is such a good question,why is he doing this?
Well , many people thinks it is an escape, but what can I do if he can't see what is his real problem is. Maybe he will never see it.
HOW CAN I MAKE HIM SEE IT ,THAT HE IS A WORKAHOLIC?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): It is so true, but he won't listen. And when I try to change him,or suggest to change his ways, he has all kind of exuses. SO It's just going no where. But I really want to stay with him from my heart, but if its really killing me, than it just can't make any sense.I wonder what else is to try, as we went for councelling, and tried to talk to him...He works untill midnight.. AND HE WANTS ME to respect him for that...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): Well after 25 years this can happen, but it does not have to end. First and fore most you must let him know. If you really don't want to go, let him know how you really feel, ie do you want to leave, or do you want it to be better. It is not only you that needs professional help. To all the people out there who are workaholics- What would your boss/work colleagues say if you dropped dead at your desk today- would they find you today or in a few days, they would say nice guy, too bad and wonder who gets his position. But the impact on your family, immeasureable. It is hard to tear yourself away from work, but the rewards in terms of family life are more than worth it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): Yes, I'm very unhappy and confused. That is why I;m trying to get some help. I did go for profesional help, but I thought maybe the common sense will give more idea. The reason, I can't do traditional divorce,because I have seen some nasty ones, and I know I ;m not ready for this now... I need to heel first.. But I look foreword for any opinion. Thanks
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (2 April 2009):
 Why couldn't you handle a traditional divorce? That comment makes me think you are wanting out, but at the same time hold onto him by a thread.
I'm wondering if how you feel is also a secret to him? If so, that could be reason why this marriage has, and continues to head right down the drain. I believe before you do anything, you weed through your confusion. This questions is difficult to provide with any further answer. I can only determine that you're not happy, and you're confused.
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A
female
reader, keepitreal03  +, writes (2 April 2009):
What do u mean u don't want to tell him where u went? U left and didn't tell him?? Confused? But to answer Jr other questions if u have talk to him and told him how u feel and that u want him to be home and he works too much and he still does it anyway I feel u need to tell him u can't do this anymore and u will leave him....that way if he didn't think u were serious he will now. And if he doesn't care and keeps it up then leave. I feel ur pain u need love and if he's not doing it and not making an effort u can get it else where. But if u love him and wanna stay married but just need emotional love and sexual then date someone else but make it clear nothing serious make it clear of what u wanT from the other person. Think about it he could be doing it to...how can a man goo without sex and no love from a women....so if he's doing do it too that's if u wanna go against ur word the day u married him. If not get the divorce and then find someone.good luck
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