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I'm jealous of his past relationship - am I being silly or could this be a problem if I moved in with him?

Tagged as: Big Questions, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 May 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 20 May 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I've fallen for a slightly older guy, who I like except for one issue: I am a virgin and he has lived with someone for three years. I am sort of upset about that and jealous of his prior relationship. I feel like I don't want the first time I move in with someone to be the boring second time they've had someone live with them. He does sort of compare me to her occasionally, but I really don't have any long-term people to compare to him. So am I being silly and stupidly jealous here or could this be a problem were I to move in with him?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yes it has been discussed, he wants me to move in with him. We have been together a year. I should clarify, I was a virgin previously before I met him, only having seen other people for weeks or a month at longest.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010):

Has he asked you to move in with him, or is this a hypothetical question? Something about your post makes me think that your relationship is not even at a point where cohabitation is even being discussed.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010):

There is no shortage of virgin guys your age who haven't lived with someone else before.

If this bothers you enough, then hold out for a male virgin. There are plenty of male virgins holding out for a female one, it would be a nice switch to see a little of that energy coming from the other direction.

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A female reader, Cherry_Blossom99 United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2010):

Cherry_Blossom99 agony auntFirstly, you must both try not to compare each other to previous relationships. Eventually kills the relationship, eating away at each others insecurities.

Secondly, you say you don't want this to be the "boring second time round" . . . clearly there is a reason he is not with the girl before and so this must be an exciting time for you both. If he geuinely wants you to move in then go for it...just try not to think of someone being there before, which i know is very hard, but it is a big sign that he is happy with you and he wants to live with you. Just make sure you are ready to move in with someone, it is a huge step. and make sure you're not moving away from everyone you know, you'll want to still see your friends. hope this has helped. xx

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