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female
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anonymous
writes: Ok, here's my problem: I'm irrationally scared of one of my family members going missing or dying. It's gotten to the point where I can't relax at all if my mum or brother leaves the house. I'm not sure why I feel like this... I can't pinpoint the moment in my life where it began. I know I was always very protective of my brother when I was younger (he is eighteen now, I am twenty one) and used to check on him every five minutes even if he was just sleeping in the next room. If I ever couldn't see him in the playground at school, even if only for a split second, I'd be sick with worry. I DO remember that he was always a melodramatic child and my parents had to nail our top floor windows shut because he used to threaten to throw himself out if something went wrong or he didn't get his way. I don't know if this could be the problem? As a young teenager, he threatened some of the same stuff occasionally, and while I knew he probably wasn't serious, it still worried me to death. Now, whenever something goes wrong for him and he's ranting away about it, I just freak out. I know he's old enough to take care of himself and that I have no control over what he does, but I still find it affecting me. It's utterly ridiculous - if he goes out with a friend, I get paranoid that they'll fall out, because he's so oversensitive, and that he'll drive badly on the way home out of anger and hurt or kill himself. If he's late home from work, I start to wonder whether he had a stressful day and it just got too much. He's out cycling right now and I'm already feeling sick and stressed about it. I don't worry about dying myself, but I feel like he's going to keel over every time he steps outside. I try to imagine what time he'll get back and if he's later than my deadline, I pretty much collapse in fear. It's so embarrassing and stupid but I can't seem to help myself.I'm pretty sure I have some sort of anxiety disorder. Unfortunately it makes me very tired and irritable so instead of being able to talk to my family about it, I find myself pushing them away and getting angry with them for the slightest thing. They probably think I really hate them, when in fact it's entirely the opposite. I just find it very hard to show my feelings for them. I feel like such a crap person and a horrible daughter. My anxiety has now started to spread to my mother. I'm terrified of something happening to her, but instead of trying to be better, I find myself becoming more and more agitated and nasty towards her. I wish I knew why I am this way and what I can do to help myself. I feel so idiotic and crazy. I'd love to hear from anyone who has experienced or is experiencing similar problems, if there's anyone. In all other aspects of life, I feel perfectly normal. I probably have a little too much time on my hands, but I have friends and a long term relationship with a man who believes in me. I struggle with self-confidence quite a bit, but I'm not sure that this has anything to do with it. I can't talk about it with anyone and nobody knows what's going on in my mind. Please help. Any advice on what's going on or how I can beat this will be most welcome and gratefully received. :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): Anxiety disorders are astonishingly common. They include Panic, Phobias (including Agoraphobia and Social Phobia), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. For many people self-help is a viable way forward and this is why we wrote our book Free Yourself from Anxiety. We aim to show you, step-by-step, how to set up and follow an individually tailored self-help programme.
Part one looks at lifestyle, because very often the way you live is contributing to Anxiety. By making simple changes you can get yourself fit and ready to tackle your Anxiety driven behaviours.
Part two shows you how to challenge your Anxiety in a safe controlled way, by setting small goals that take you gradually towards letting go of anxious behaviours.
Part three shows you how to recognise your anxious thinking, challenge it, and ultimately change it.
Part four explains how to delve into some of the deeper issues that may be driving Anxiety. We also suggest where it might be appropriate for you to seek professional help.
Our aim in this book is to be as comprehensive as possible. Each reader will be able to decide which aspects of the recovery programme they need to complete and which are not relevant to them. In addition we have only discussed proven safe techniques.
Throughout the book we have used the words of Anxiety sufferers who are in various stages of recovery to illustrate our points
The authors
Emma Fletcher is a UK-registered counsellor with 20 years experience of helping anxiety sufferers and of training counsellors and volunteers on anxiety help-lines. She remains firmly committed to the self-help principle and believes that much of her work consists of giving her clients the tools to enable them to live more effectively. This book is an attempt to bring those tools to a wider audience.
Martha Langley is a professional writer and journalist. She has more than 10 years experience as a volunteer on helplines for people dealing with Anxiety and has also been a one-to-one mentor and recovery group leader. This has given her an insight into the difficulties faced by people trying to put self-help techniques into practice. Her aim in Free Yourself from Anxiety was to explain these techniques, to explain the reasoning behind them, and to make practical suggestions that will give every reader the best chance of recovery.
Free Yourself From Anxiety ISBN 978-1- 84528-311-7 is available from bookshops, book websites and Amazon.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Free-Yourself-Anxiety-Self-help-Overcoming/dp/1845283112/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1233135806&sr=1-1
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (27 May 2009):
 ps
just seen that someone here said you might need medication - I think you should tell them to absolutely bugger off with that, as you DON'T need that - you just need psychological therapy to re-train your thinking, and get rid of the bad habit you have fallen into. Physically, an hour of strong swimming or cycling a day will do you far more good than any pills - those pills only reproduce the chemicals you would get naturally from exercise. Go for the exercise. I promise you - it works completely.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (27 May 2009):
I am so sorry - this sounds horrid, and you're right, you have sort of developed an anxiety disorder. I am certain it is the effect of your brother's melodramatic threats. And your problem now is that although you know that rationally he isn't going to do anything, and that you were scared as a child without reason, your brain and body have learnt to react in a certain way.
I know something about all of this, but unless you want me to, I won't go into it all now. The best thing is for you to go to you doctor, asap, and explain the problem. He or she will make you an appointment - probably with a cognitive therapist, or maybe with some other professional who basically helps with emotional problems. Your emotions have got themselves wired a certain way, to keep you ready for the theoretical emergency your brother kept talking about - but your brain didn't know it was only talk - it reacted as if it was real. And now you need help to re-train your brain and your emotions.
Now, here is the best bit: I promise you 110% that it is totally possible to do this - you WILL be fine. I know this because something similar happened to me (not the same problem, but a problem with anxiety). I have got over it through a variety of ways - I did have some cognitive therapy, but also found that doing a lot of exercise helped, and through that I kind of stumbled upon mild daily meditation (while I was swimming!), which really helpd. You need to touch base with reality again, in a very solid way. I also ended up in a relationship with someone who had no time for anxiety - he was/is too busy. He was also very solid and very warm physically, and we had a baby together, and that all kind of reaffirmed my faith in life.
I don't know what the special key to your worries is, but I am sure that a professional will help you through. Also, you could talk to your brother - explain to him how he has basically messed you up, and ask him to cut it out and reassure you that all is ok. You need that.
Have you got a boyfriend? I am not being silly but a really strong physical relationship also helps A LOT. It makes you feel in touch with a sort of strong life force that is blind to worry and anxiety.
I probably sound like I am talking a lot of rubbish now, but trust me, it all works. I am the world's most sceptical person, too, but my 'therapy' was something I just came to myself.
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I won't tell you now, though, what a bugger the father of my baby has turned out to be!!!!!!!! That's another story!! Oh bloody hell. I have swopped one set of problems for another. :) ... but I'd rather have these problems than anxiety any day. Anxiety is just awful - go to someone and get help, quick. They can honestly fix it in the same way as a splint on a broken leg. Just think how soon you will be fine. I know it seems impossible, but is isn't - just trust them, and yourself, and life. And give your daft brother a kick up the backside!! xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): A good, safe day begins at home. Being nasty to your family members and making them feel like you hate them is way more likely to affect their driving, etc. than them having an arguement with a friend is.
You're hurting them, so the most imprtant thing you can do right now is tell them waht's going on and how you actually feel. They NEED to know that you love them, and that you're sorry for acting the way you have been acting. If you can't bring yourself to tell them, then type it or write it down and give it to your mom or brother or both.
Once they know, they will be happier and they will be able to help you get through your paranoia. They're part of somethign huge goign on in your head and they don't even know about it, so how can they possibly do anythign about it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): From what you are describing here you may have a panic disorder or even a personality disorder like obsessive compulsive disorder.
It is obviously causing you a great deal of distress. What you need is some professional help from a psychotherapist. You need to be evaluated and perhaps be put on a combination of medication and therapy. The good news is this can really help you and there is no reason to continue to live in fear all of the time. You are not crazy, you just need some help with these symptoms and they could get worse over time the longer you wait to seek out some help.
If you do not have a therapist in mind, start with making an appointment with your family doctor, they are all educated about these symptoms and know what medications to try and can usually refer you to a therapist or point you in the direction of finding one.
So make that appointment today, there is help available for you.
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