A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I met a guy for the first time on new years eve (so about eight weeks ago) through mutual friends (we all went out together that night) and we got on really well - he told me lots about himself and asked me about myself, then as the night went on he started buying me drinks. I didn't swap numbers with him at the time as he was still texting his ex then. I went round to our mutual friend's house last Friday night by myself and we talked about this man. The friend told me the man cut off all contact with his ex a few weeks ago.Our mutual friend asked me if I wanted the man's number. I said no at the time and told him to text the man and give him my number so he did. The man replied soon after asking if that was my number and our friend told him it was. I have not heard from this man as yet. I sent a friend request to the man on Facebook on Sunday morning and he accepted it within an hour. His profile says he is single. It had his mobile number on there too but I was not going to use that to text him.I then decided that I would visit our mutual friend again last night (still no contact from the man I'm interested in at this point) and somehow during the conversation managed to ask him to give me the man's mobile number. Our friend happily did this and even said that I should suggest to the man that we all meet up for a drink or something. At this point, the man didn't know I'd got his number.I am wondering whether it is okay to send him a casual text as I really would like to get to know him better. Our friend says this man is not the sort of guy who would think I was stalking him if I texted him - both men I mention here are both genuinely nice. I am just worried that it will seem a bit desperate me texting him now after all this time (eight weeks, even though I know we couldn't swap numbers on new years eve because he was still texting his ex then and I'm certainly not THAT desperate!) (I did see our friend and this man on Saturday night as they went on a night out together and drove past me). Or should I get our friend to check with this man first if it is okay to text him? There is also the fact that tonight I noticed he has added a new girl on his facebook page who is really pretty and my confidence went right down, even though his profile still says he is single so she could just be a friend - even though he already has several other girls on there that I would say seem attractive too and it didn't bother me before at all. I don't want him to think I'm weird/desperate. I do know the sort of thing to text him though if I decide to go through with it. Should I wait for him to text me? (I think the 'Rules' are a load of rubbish - I've been the first to text when dating in the past and it hasn't been a problem). I do not think he is going to text me first - possibly because I know he was hurt quite bad by his ex even though I don't really know him - only everything he told me about himself on new years eve. He may also be expecting me to text him first as he did buy me drinks on new years eve and I haven't done anything in return to show interest in him. Does he still need to be the one 'chasing' ME after he bought me drinks/spent money on me and I haven't 'done anything for him' yet.What do you think I should do? Thanks!
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Aww bless you I think that is the most analysing I have read a person do over a man in a very long time....you must be driving yourself nuts!!!
Here's the thing...men don't think about this kind of thing as much as women. If you don't call, he will just shrug and blow it off because he doesn't know you well enough to make up a whole big scenario in his head of how things will go. If you do call him, he will either be interested and ask to meet up with you (taking him to stage 2) or he will say 'Thanks but no thanks' (for whatever reason he has, which may have nothing to do with you personally) and he will move on.
If you do get a (stage 2)date with, him he will assess if their is any physical attraction. Men always do this first. If there is then it's likely he will see you again in order to work out how he can get physical with you. If he doesn't think there is enough physical attraction then you might not hear from him again...or if he thinks your a laugh and someone good to talk to you may be shifted into the friends zone where you will stay as long as you want to.
Men very rarely make up their mind about seeing, dating or getting into a relationship with a woman when they first meet her...they just don't operate that way, so it's pointless wondering and musing over the finer details because if he does say goodbye aftr the first couple of dates, you are going to be broken hearted.
You want guarantees that it is going to work out, that's why you keep consulting with the mutual friend...you want that friend to tell you that it's definitely going to happen. I know you don't want to appear desperate but your behaviour says different. You have already gained his number because he has yours but hasn't called. Added him to facebook, snooped who he is adding and analysing if the new girl is a lover or a friend!!!...these are desperate actions...if you really wern't bothered by his reaction, you would have contacted him weeks ago and just blown it off if things didnt work.
Give yourself a good talking to, try to relax a little about the whole situation and just tell yourself that it is what it is...a casual meeting that might lead to a stage 1 date.
Then text him and say 'would you like to meet up for a drink next Friday'
Beyond that, your not going to know either way if it will fly or not. He may be one of those morons who just wants a woman to chase him!!!
(the reason that I have been a little harsh with you darling is because I have done the same sort of thing myself and learned a lesson)
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
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