A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, would really appreciate some advice.Around three/four months ago my relationship of three and a half years started to break down. Its slowly been starting to die for the last year but I guess we didn't want to face it. Therefore when things got really bad my friend booked us a last minute girls holiday for me and her.On holiday we were at a pool party event, when we spotted an extremely good looking boy. My friend wanted to go speak to him, and as I was still in a relationship, no matter how bad it was at the time I wasn't willing to cheat. So no matter how good looking I thought he was she could have him all she wanted.We didn't end up talking to him, but we spotted him on a night out and my friend being very, very drunk went up to him and spoke to him. She made it clear she was taking him home, however, when she jumped to get her bag with the room key in from behind the bar the boy came up to me and shocked me completely. He asked if I was single first, then looked genuinely gutted when I said no. He then went on to tell me that he thought I was gorgeous, that he had spotted me at the pool party, and said 'you were the girl in that lime bikini, I couldn't take my eyes off you.' (I was wearing the lime bikini)He basically said he really didn't want to go home and sleep with my friend, he begged me to just go and have a drink with him and get to know him, or even take me for a meal the next day, obviously I said no.My friend ended up leaving with him, as he said he was going to tell her the truth that he didn't want to go home with her, but she was so drunk and had just told all the friends we had met she was leaving with him. So I said to him to go have a good night with her, we'd probably never meet each other again and she would be really embarrassed if he blew her off for her friend. My friend rang me when they got back to his hotel off of his phone to let me know she was safe. When they got back to my hotel she was so drunk she was being a bit of a diva with him, I showed him out and he yet again said he really liked me and tried to kiss me.My friend then told me when he left that we were in the same university, and he lived 20 minutes from us.(small world).He later on that night text me to apologise for kissing me, and he has text me everyday since.My relationship ended not long after my return, and now this boy wants to meet up. I like him as a person, he's extremely good looking and he makes me laugh. However, my friend doesn't really know the extent of our texting. She knows he speaks to me occasionally, and has commented that its 'bizarre' that he slept with her yet texts me. As obviously I have not told her about that night, as I really didn't want to hurt her feelings and could never of predicted seeing this boy again. I still cant believe how close we live without ever seeing each other.I want to meet up with him but don't know how to go about it? I obviously cant tell her that he didn't want to go home with her, that he begged to see me and that he's liked me ever since. But then again he has had a one night stand with my best friend. I don't know what to do for the best, I'd love to meet up with him, but don't know how to explain it to her. She has no feelings for him at all which she has made clear, and she hasn't really spoken to him since. I don't want to cause an argument though.
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best friend, drunk, kissing, one night stand, text, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): Here we go again with the double standards about casual sex. Its okay for a woman to go after a guy way above her league for a ONS, but if the guy agrees to go below his league then he is scum. Well that's bullshit. The OP's friend knew what she was doing. She met him that night and basically demanded to take him home. That is not the actions of a woman thinking this has relationship possibilities. That is someone going after casual no-strings hookup sex plain and simple.Grow up and stop the male-bashing double standards, Aunts.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 September 2013):
 Sorry, he really doesn't sound like much of a catch (except for the whole good looking part.)
IF he had been OH SO interested in you back then, he certainly wouldn't have slept with your friend.
If you still want to pursue it, TALK to your friend first. She already know you two text. Don't tell her about the kiss back the night she slept with him, but tell her that he asked you out and how she feels about it. I would say in general since it was a one-night-stand she really can't tell you what to do, but she is ALSO a bestie, so taking how she feels or what she might think into consideration is what I would do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): That's too close for my comfort.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): honey, there are so many more fish in the sea for you to have to be dealing with this one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): Daisy used a good word... Grubby! Seriously you can't see what bad news he is?? Just for a second imagine that you were the friend he took home that "he didnt really want to " and just settled with, and he said that to your friend about you! Grubby because he has no morals, shame and basic decency... He took her home DESPITE the fact she might have been really interested him, and fully lead her on and USED her... Share some heat for the night. What makes you think he won't do the same to you? O of course not, guess he likes that green bikini too much! He's good looking and confident... I wonder how many times he's practiced this act before, cos your friend is just one of many. And you will be too... A notch on his bedpost. She may not be crazy into him but it's kindof quite a big blow of rejection for her for you you to start sleeping with him... Is he really worth it? Good looking and charming... Great reedeeming qualities! Good luck anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): I would just tell her. If you are saying she has no feelings for him it wouldn't matter for her. The only thing that would wory me is the lack of character in this guy. I never thought high of a man who can't resist some drunk woman who wants to gave sex. He didn't even like her , but...she offered, why not. And then after he was just in bed with her, he tries to kiss you. For me it would be a big no. So next time when you guys will be dating and someone will get drunk again, and you are not there he ll take a chance and will go with her?
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (18 September 2013):
 He's extremely good looking and makes you laugh, meanwhile you are freshly out of a long term relationship and in dangerous rebound territory.
I know you like this man, but I don't. He slept with your (very drunk) friend just to go along with it and because he couldn't sleep with you? Yeah, I know these things happen (especially on holiday, especially when on holiday and drunk), but OP, he's sleazy. How many other people do you imagine he's shagged just for the sake of it? Does he really have so little say over who he shags?! Or he just doesn't care who he sticks it in to? Even when it would (normally) discourage another woman he's really interested in?
If he didn't like your friend, and liked you so very much, he should've gone home on his own. This is just grubby. There are plenty of other handsome, funny men out there. You are not destined to be with this guy-who-shagged-your-mate-first. HE'S NOT THAT SPECIAL!
If you decide to go ahead and start some 'thing' with this guy, start by thinking of yourself and make sure he has full STD checks before you touch him with a barge pole. These have to wait until he's not had sex for 3 weeks, so fingers crossed he hasn't shagged another drunken women in that 3 week period. For HIV and syphilis tests, the waiting time is even longer ...
OP, I hope you realise what a bad idea he is and therefore have nothing to explain to your friend. Truly. Good luck.
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