A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really could use some advice on how to let go of the past and move on! I met a guy a few years ago,and at that time we went a little (or a lot) too far,too fast. Kind of a heat of the moment type of thing. After that,eventhough I totally consented to what happened,I assumed he only wanted sex. But I wanted to get to know him and maybe have a relationship,so I just stopped talking to him to avoid getting hurt. We didn't talk for a couple of months,and then he started texting me again. He would ask me to go to the movies,or for drinks,etc,etc. I told myself "I'm not falling for this game. He's just trying to make it look like he wants to get to know me,but really just wants sex!" So I always made excuses why I couldn't go. The texting continued. I considered him a friend of sorts, but didn't trust him enough to go out with him anywhere,eventhough I really was very interested. And after about 2 years I met somebody who I started a relationship with. The entire time I was with my boyfriend (1 year),he was texting me. He knew through our texts that things werent working out so well with this other guy. And texted one day that "he always tried to get me to go out with him,but I always said no." I told him why,that I always thought he only wanted sex and I didnt want that. He said sex is great,but that's not all he wanted. And said he would be there if things don't work.Well,things didn't work. And I now had confirmation from this other guy that he wasn't just after sex. Great right? But now he is seeing somebody! No less than a week after I broke it off with my boyfriend,this guy was in a relationship. First one since we had met 3 years ago. Go figure huh? I was thinking to myself how nice it would be for us to be able to get to know each other face to face like we both acually wanted in the first place,until sex made things weird. Now,I find myself creeping his facebook page all the time. If there is an update or picture with his girlfriend I feel literally sick. I feel like blocking his updates from showing on my page,but then I don't want to miss if his relationship status changes. But then I also think "did he feel the same way when I was with my boyfriend?" Like maybe I deserve this in some way because I never even gave him a chance before. I don't know. I even went as far as to let him know I was going to ask him to go out somewhere,but saw he is with someone now....In my mind I hoped he would find a way to leave her since it was still a new relationship. It's really silly,but I'm insanely jealous and I can't seem to shake it. It's making me moody and miserable. Please help. :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 June 2011):
 Insanely jealous will drive any man away from you very quickly.
Yes you should of revealed your thinking to him honestly a long time ago.
Rid yourself of the guilt of 'too much, too fast'. Things happen. That is the past. Now is the time to go forward.
Though for any future guys do get to know the man and his motivations and how he lives his life. His values and attitudes, etc long before you jump in too fast and do too much too early into the relationship. Go slowly but surely next time.
Let this guy know that you were really thinking of how great things might have become, but you realise that if things don't work out for him, that you would be interested.
Then depart from checking out his facebook.
Get into the gym.
Read some good books.
Organise travelling to and staying at some great vacation destination - the anticipation of this to look forward to will be good for you.
Enrich your life with interesting activities that are not just social. Such as joining groups that do good things in your community. Since everyone wins when you do this, and you meeet good peiple with a sense of purpose in their lives.
He may come back to you.
He may not come back.
But don't obsess over him with insane jealousy. It will do nothing for you except age your face, and beat yourself up inside. And waste your time.
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