A
male
age
36-40,
*rott1
writes:Here is my situation, I am currently in the Navy, which i dont think that this is a problem. But within the last 6 months i have started talking to a girl that i dated in high school, i was very much in love with her at the time. Over the time we have been talking we have expressed how we feel about each other, we both care about each other, she also said that when she thinks about what she wants, and who she wants in her life it is me. Then she says that it takes her a long time to get into a relationship and she wants to see what happens but doesnt seem to put any effort into making anything happen. I love this girl alot and i feel like im in a relationship but it isnt one...advice please
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (29 January 2008):
 What exactally do you mean by she wont make any effort. Does she see you, return your calls, email you? Does the relationship all feel one-sided with you giving and her just taking things as you dish them out but not contributing to move the relationship?
I ask this because I just ended a relationship (or he ended it) where I was the initiator of most of the phone calling. He enjoyed talking to me for hours at a time it was always hard to end the conversation. He did ask me out but only after 3 months of coaching from me. Eventually I decided that even though he said he wanted me and that I was perfect for him that if he wasn't going to initiate contact then I wasn't going to either. So this is how it ended. I needed more from him than he was willing to give.
You have to decide for yourself what you can live with. If you don't feel the relationship is equal and you want more then you need to talk to her about this and see if she can pick it up. Some people just can't make decisions and prefer to let other people lead them along but really, that doesn't make a solid relationship.
A
female
reader, speedcat +, writes (28 January 2008):
maybe shes afraid of your up and leaving on her. army, navy they do that and its hard on the partner to wait around.
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