A
male
age
30-35,
*blocktup33
writes:Okay, I'm in love with my very good friend's girlfriend. She and my friend have been going out off and on for more than two years. She loves him definetely (most of the time). However, I talk to her every day through text, and then im, and then on the phone. I told her how i felt about her 2 months ago, and she said she might feel the same way but wasn't sure. We kissed once accidentally. I've asked her repeatedly if I should just back off or if I actually have a chance. She always responds by saying she doesn't know (this may be in fear of losing me as a friend). Two days ago, we were supposed to hang out but she ended up ditching me for her boyfriend. I was furious. I spoke to her about it and she apologized; I couldn't help but forgive her because I love her. The general consensus that I'm getting from her is that she cares about me, but mainly as a friend. She loves talking to me she says, and I make her happy even when shes sad with her family (moms an alcoholic, dad abuses mom).I decided that I wasn't going to talk to her so I could get over her, because she obviously wasn't going to leave her boyfriend. But I wanted to see her once before. Yesterday, to make it up to me, we hung out for four hours in my basement. I DIDNT MAKE A MOVE. I feel so stupid, I had her right where I wanted her. I attempted to make it sexual by touching her, teasing her etc. but she wasn't having any of it. I FEEL SO STUPID, and now I have to live with myself, what should i do?
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female
reader, shiraz  +, writes (27 October 2008):
hiyah like you say yourself this has happened before ands beging to turn into a pattern you need to notice it an stop it sooner rather than later, you know what your doing so know when to stop and eventually it will ease for you altogether.
its a goo quality to have in a guy friend that you can talk to them so dont feel you have to stop this straight away just handle it differently and become more in control of your actions and feelings.
They seem more of a friend as there opening closed doors to you and its something many find hard so dont judge what you have on this experiance. just because a girl can talk to you doesnt mean staright away she wants more, just respect her for coming and talking to you.and remember its friends thats it thats all you are.
You will move on and find that one but dont push it over and over. its hard for you and your feeling stupid yeah but itll pass.
Your not doing anything wrong and cannot control your feelings and emotions you can just control how you deal with them.
good luck x :) move on from this and start a fresh
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 October 2008):
Well first of all stop hanging around girls that are taken, and secondly stop waiting for so long to make a move.
Girls will stop seeing you as boyfriend potential after a while so be supportive and lovely by all means but flirt and touch at the same time.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, dblocktup33 +, writes (26 October 2008):
dblocktup33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the feedback emily and shiraz. This has happened to me twice before (although not to this extent). I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I'm too much of a friend. I usually don't let girls talk about their problems to me, except in this case, but they still see me as more of a friend. I don't understand why and more help would be greatly appreciated.
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A
female
reader, shiraz +, writes (26 October 2008):
hiyah shes had a bad up brining and so will deal with affetion differently in all of her relationships. this comes with her and i think she honestly loves her boyfriend and although you may feel shes given you signs etc i think shes been a bit lost and confused with it all. youve been a good mate to her and a support shes needed so i doubt she can feel she can just say no. Yeah you feel stupid but i bet shes feelin just as bad. i think you need to move on an just think of it as a bad experiance that taught you a lot. although she might try and contact you i dont feel you should shut her off comletely just tell her how hard it is for you and that you need space, dont blame her as a person as she may already be damaged without you knowing it. she needs love and reasurance in her life and she may well come to you but im afraid its not your place, she has a boyfriend and this is the sort of situation where they become stronger and dependant on each other, itll be hard for you but dont blame yourself, it takes two remember.
You will move on from this and it wil get better its just a shame you may both loose a friend through it but in a situation such as this its sometimes the way it goes.
You had the right attitude by keeping your distance but if she wants to know why then make sure you tell her the truth in the nicest way possible.
im sorry this is goin to hurt and im not goin to lie it doesnt get easier you need to handle it right though in order to move on.
Best of luck :) x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 October 2008):
She led you on. She probably didn't mean to but she was flattered by your attentions so she let you carry on seeing her as more than a friend.
You know now that she is never going to leave her boyfriend. She is just going to let you cheer her up and be nice to her for ever and ever.
Do what you planned.
Stop talking to her. Stop texting her. If she gets in touch then tell her that she is your friend's girlfriend and until she breaks up with him, you can't speak to her any more as you are just getting hurt and feeling used.
You have to try and move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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