A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hello!I'm really confused here and could use some advice. I've been friends with this guy. lets call him Alan. Fot about 6 months now. We met online. the thing is, he's trans-gendered female to male. I recently told him I have feelings for him, at which point he said he only wanted to be friends right now. My question is, how can I show him I accept his being trans and really want to be with him?He's never been with a woman since he's come out as male...and while he says he doesn't want to be in a relationship. He also calls me on the phone and we talk for hours..Granted, not very often..because he hates the phone...but still. I see myspace messages from girls saying "why haven't you ever called me? I gave you my number" and things like that...Yet he calls me?I asked him recently why he calls ME and not them, and he said..."I like to keep my internet life and my everyday life seperate"this confuses me, since me met online just like those other girls...Also, he changed his myspace layout to pictures of MY hometown! even though he doesn't live anywhere near me.He calls me his best friend and is always quick to say "I love you" at the end of every email and phone call.When he was having medical problems he made a youtube video talking to me about it saying he knew I would listen and that he loved me.I made him a friendship bracelet that recently broke, and he emailed me all upset about it because he never took it off and now he felt naked without it.He also showed me websites that explain what a female to male trans person wears under there clothes..and basically asked me to help him pick out a....ummmm....private part that looked most realistic. I didnt mind, actually it kinda made me giggle...loland lastly, this past week he sent me a book in the mail about a FTM transman in a relationship with a heterosexual woman...He knows I have feelings for him, and he teases me about it...Sometimes I feel like maybe he has feelings for me too, but then he backs off and says he just wants to be friends...I don't understand it..Is there any way I can convince him I am genuine in my words to him? also, why does he do all those things I listed if he doesnt have some feelings beyond friendship??Any insight would be wonderful...thanks
View related questions:
best friend, met online, myspace Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, jamiejaixp +, writes (7 February 2009):
 It isn't the fact that he isn't interested in you! Or that he isn't taking you seriously. All the signals are clearly there. By signals I mean: the regularity of his phone calls, the fact that he emailed you all upset about the friendship bracelet, and asking you about sexual stuff. as a ftm, the trasitional period is fairly hard to go through (mentally, physically, and emotionally). The ride of including a partner in there will make it even more hectic due to the focus on transitioning.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi! I just wanted to say thanks...you've really made some valid points. I'm just going to focus on being his friend...time will tell if it becomes more, but without friendship first there's not much of a relationship is there?
thanks.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): Hi,
I found your post actually by accident. But, since I'm ftm myself I figured I'd answer as well. I think he likes you -yes in a romantic type way- but may not be ready for a relationship. I don't think its that he "doesn't think you're serious" or even that he doesn't believe you would accept him. When we're going through transition or considering it its just very hard to bring another person along for that ride. He probably wants to make sure you are a part of his life but not so much so that he can't tell what he himself is thinking/wanting with regard to transitioning. Its kind of a "unique" time in that there has to be a lot of self focus going on. And that a) becomes hard if you have a lady or someone you're dating and b) if you do take all that you need you probably won't be "giving" very much back in the relationship. He probably knows that and since he does care for you doesn't want you to have to go through it. Stay his friend, stay close, and just let him do what he needs to do. If its there it'll come out.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou've made some good points. Yes, we've discussed sex, not between ourselves...lol..just, you know. as buddies would. and I know he considers himself a virgin. But I feel sometimes like maybe I am seeing what I want to see between us because I love him so much...
I'm afraid to say too much, but if I don't say ANYTHING that could make the situation worse couldn't it? if he thinks I've lost interest?
I just don't know what to think
...............................
|
