A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with my history teacher from last year. I'm 16 and he's 44. I love him more than anything, but He's married now. He got married in December 05 of my freshman year. He was engaged to her already, when I met him. She's coming here to America (from England) like next month! She's never to been to america before, so obviously, he'll be showing her around a lot.I get so jealous when he talks about her, even sometimes I think it's cute when he talks about her. She must really make him happy and she's probably some special woman, because he chose to spend the rest of his life with her. I know it would never work between us, because she stole his heart before I even met him.He has the most amazing eyes I've ever seen, and sometimes I even get lost in them. Maybe this isn't love, because many girls "fall in love" with their teachers. But why does it seem so real?I feel like we could talk about anything, and it would never get boring. He flirts with me sometimes..like in subtle ways.What am I supossed to do? I can't break them apart! It's kind of hard to move on, and I know..once she gets here...He'll be spending most of his time with her. I think there is something between us, because he treats me so differently than other girls.He worries about me even if I say that I'm fine. When I have a problem, he says I can always talk to him, and he'll be there for me. He smiles at me a lot, and when he looks my way, I just blush and turn away. When we were walking one time, he looked down over at me, and smiled. He tells me I'm doing good at something, even though I was kind of bad at it. He makes me feel better everytime I see him. I've recently told him about my anorexia problem. I know it's kind of immature to say this, but I need him now more than ever. I can't..tell my family about it. It'd break their heart. For now, it's just a minor case. So far, I've only told 2 people about it. He also told our principal about me. I'm sick of Ana (short for: Anorexia), she's like the part of me that wants to be extremely perfect. I'm sick of crying about it almost every night, hating myself because I'll never be thin enough! I'm trying to let her not control me. Ana keeps telling me "Being thin is total happiness...look how thin you are now!" and I keep telling her, "You think I'm happy?! I've been crying and stressing a lot because of you!" I feel like my teacher and the other person who knows are the only people I can/want to talk about this. He's the only teacher I felt I could trust to talk to.I also feel bad because I can never tell him how I feel. It hurts just looking at someone you can never have. Well, the irresponsible thing to do would be to tell him, so I'm glad (kind of) I know where to set my limits.I'm quite shy, so I never show my feelings toward him. Him, I'm not so sure about. I feel he treats me differently than the other students. I think he has amazing eyes and the times he holds his gaze at me, I can do nothing but smile, then blush, and turn away. The worst thing is, the more I pull away, the more I still want him. I like that he listens to me, and I do the same to him. As he said once, "you have a sympathetic ear." It's so hard to explain the way I feel. I feel so guilty that I told him about my problem, and he gives me looks like he's "out of his mind worried" about me. I mean, his wife is coming next month, and he's so happy about it...but then I had to go and dump it on him! but then again, he told me that I wasn't being a baby asking for help. With this kind of thing, he's proud that I'm taking the next steps to getting better.Well, I think the best solution is to just..admire him from afar. Sometimes I have to tell myself, "He's not anything you need." or "You'll find the right guy someday." Maybe I'll find someone with the same qualities as him, and hopefully..he'll be closer to my age.But I can't help thinking, If I never get over him, how will I find the RIGHT guy? I just wish I could tell him how I feel, and that he'd feel the same way. Ever since last year, I've felt that there is a chance he might. Like at some sport award thing, I was waiting with him..for my mom. He thought since I was a freshman, he wouldn't let me stay outside alone. As we were waiting, he said "Well, at least we get to spend some quality time together." and he smiled at me.He's also said that If I'm worried that guys won't like me because of the way I look, then I must be blind (or something like that). He said jokingly, if getting a boyfriend by monday was your homework, you could do it. I told him "yeah, but most guys my age are idiots." (no offense to guys my age reading this) I also told him that he wasn't like other men. okay can someone tell me what I should do? I mean..I love this teacher with all my heart, but I would never dream of making a move because I know where to set my limits. Even if he did make a move on me, I still wouldn't let him either (no matter how much I want to). It would make me feel horrible, like I was his mistress or something like that. I wouldn't want to get involved with a married man. Okay..so what do I do? please help as soon as you can.
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anorexic, engaged, flirt, immature, jealous, married man, mistress, move on, my teacher, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2007): well i know what you are going through. i'm also in love with my teacher and it hurts to see him at school knowing that i cant have him. i feel that he treats me differently as when we went on a school trip to germany he was so incredibly nice to me when i was ill and he would ask everyday whether i was alright and smile at me with his stunning smile and he was willing tio go to the chemist shop and get some medicine for me. when he looks at me it feels as if he is looking deep into my eyes and not just at the surface. also he would ask me about my family and life. he is also my history teacher but im 15 and im not sure how old he is. people have told me to get over him but i cant because i love him so i know what you are going through. i juct want to know how he feels about me but i cant say how i feel because im a pupil and hes my teacher. also i started to self-harm because i cant deal with the pain in my head and heart, i know its not the answer but it feels better to do it than to keep the feelings locked up inside me. its really driving me insane
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): HI,you seems to be such a sweet person,I think that he knows how you feel about him.He seems to really care about you, but he has his life, and the big difference in your ages is another thing. He got married as you mentioned, that should tell you that he likes you in different way, with respect.
Please believe in yourself, you can get over this ana problem,but you should seek help. YOu are young, and have your whole life ahead of you.Do you pray ? ask God to help you, I promise you that you will find the perfect guy but don't be in a hurry.
Sweetheart ! take care of yourself, and hang in there, it's going to get better. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, countrculture +, writes (1 April 2007):
The best advice would be to move on. I would assume he looks at you more in a way a father looks at a daughter. He sees your interest in what he says and sees potential in you. I could be dead wrong, because he might also sense your desire for him and be excited by that. With some of us guys, we get an excitement just knowing we're exciting someone. Get over him, it will never work, and the longer you sit in your desire for him, the harder it will be later. As for anorexia, I would suggest you seek help, nothing drastic, but maybe a local group or something. You could also tell your family, I'm sure it would hurt them more to know that you had anorexia and didn't seek their help than if you decided to deal with it and tell them, that's what maturity is. And as your family, I'm sure your well-being and safety goes above their personal feelings that you had anorexia. Good luck.
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