A
female
age
36-40,
*eforu
writes:Dear Cupid,I am in love with my best friend whose straight. Well at least plays it off like she is. (She made out with our Lesbian friend who she knew was a lesbian when she kissed her and she definatley kissed back) There have been many times when her and I are alone and she flirts with me tremendously. I feel a need to protect her and take care of her in anyway I can. My entire day is thrown off if I dont talk to her or see her. Just the presence of her makes my heart stop. Some nights she will come home drunk and hang all over me (ex. she came home sat in my lap like a baby and i rocked her in the rocking chair as she played with my hair and leaned on my shoulder and just whispered in my ear) It seems like when we are by ourselves she isn't scared to flirt. One problem! we are best friends and she doesnt know i am gay shes the girl that made me realize I am gay.I dont know how to take the way she acts. One day shes all over me and flirts and the next she doesnt act the same around her other two friends......What do i do if i am caught in a situation when it is her and i and the mood is right like sitting in her driveway with my truck off and the music on and we are both leanin into each other like about 6 inches from each other and its dead silence it kills me not to just lean in and kiss her right then and there but I am terrified to death that its all me and i will lose my best friend.....PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, meforu +, writes (16 July 2007):
meforu is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thank you all for your advice. Just to let you know my friend has sort of stopped hanging out with our normal crowd but still talks to me. I have been working a bunch over the past few weeks so we've kind of drifted apart which is not the best feeling in the world. We haven't had a chance for a situation to arise and for me to tell her that I am gay and its getting quite hard now to even think about telling her. She refuses to go out with us on some nights to the gay bar that most of our group of straight and gay friends tend to go to because on somedays shes says it just "too gay." She doesn't hang out with our gay friends near as much or so it seems to me its just them she doesn't hang out with. Honestly, I think this is why I am terrified to tell her because what if that is the reason she quit hanging out with everybody all the time? It is stuck in my mind that since she cut out the openly gay people in her life that I will be cut out of it if I tell her I am gay.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2007): Ok, I was in a very similar situation as you. I had begun to realise that I wasn't entirely straight, and developed feelings for one of my close friends. I agonised over what to do, and finally I told her, gently nd stressing that I didn't want to ruin our friendship. With a carefully written email, actually, becuase I was to scared to speak to her face-to-face. She didn't feel the same, which was a huge blow, but she never once tried to run away, merely explaining her feelings and then helping me with my own, she is now my biggest confidant when it comes to that sort of thing and if anything it has strengthened our friendship. It did hurt when I found out she didn't return my feelings, but it was 10 times better than the awful not knowing. Go for it, but make it clear that her friendship is important to you and you will stay just a friends if that's what she wants. Hope I helped,Abi xxx
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A
female
reader, DIE-romantic.  +, writes (2 July 2007):
 Tell her that you've realised you're gay. See how she takes that news before telling you how you feel about her. That way she can see it as, you confiding in her as a best friend. If she doesnt take the news very well, then you know that she doesnt feel that way. But from what you wrote she seems comfortable having lesbians friends, however giving you mixed signals is extremely unfair and totally cruel. If you tell her how you feel, and she doesnt feel the same afterall, you must tell her to stop flirting with you. As it is confusing you and like i said, its cruel.
I hope ive helped. :)
Good Luck xxx
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (1 July 2007):
 I think you need to tell her you're gay. Have you had lesbian relationships before or has being with her made you decide? She certainly seems to have lesbian tendancies but you need to talk to her and confirm how you feel. You could say "what would you do if I came over and kissed you" for example, see what she says.
Once she knows you are definitely gay then she should respect that and if she's a true friend then it shouldn't make any difference to her. She SHOULD however (if she is definitely straight) stop flirting with you and sitting on your knee the way she does, this is only making things worse for you. Talk it over with her and see how things go.
Eve
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