A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for 6 months, but have been together for 9 years. Throughout our relationship my husband's cousin, we'll call him Tyler, has always been close with us. We have all always been great friends until he moved out of state. Just before our wedding he moved back into the area and into our basement with his girlfriend to get a better job. It's been 6 months and for some reason I find myself falling in love with Tyler, he's sweet and respectful and kind. My husband is great, but he lacks a few of these qualities. Tyler is a very loyal cousin and best friend to my husband and to me as well. He has no idea of my feelings, although I suspect he feels the same. Tyler and his girlfriend recently decided to move out and back home across the country. I sort of want to tell him how I feel, not that it would change anything. I wouldn't leave my husband and he wouldn't betray him but I think that he should know so maybe I can try to get over this. What should I do?
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best friend, cousin, moved out, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2016): Yes, listen to everyone. It will turn out badly if you act on this crush. It's easy to idealize someone when you don't have the reality of them in your lives. Focus on your marriage, and remember that this attraction to the cousin isn't real. It's just a case of wanting what you can't have.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 November 2016):
 You should keep your feelings to yourself. If you tell Tyler you will either make things awkward between everyone or else you will begin an affair which will all end it tears. You need to remember the vows that you took and spend your time working on your marriage and not trying to break up a family. You said he has moved out across the country so use that time to get over him. No good will come off you telling him your feelings.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (30 November 2016):
 Sometimes we develop feelings for people due to circumstances. He's leaving your place, he has a GF, there are many signs here that you should recognize your feelings is only a crush and not more than that. You have no place to tell him how you feel, because you continuously dated your husband and then chosed to say YES and then married him. Your actions chose your husband again and again. I think the bigger picture here is what is wrong with your marriage that you consider keeping this crush on his cousin. Are there deeper issues at hand here? Can you talk to your husband about what you guys can do to create a more loving relationship? Is he there for you? Are you there for him?If you were having second thoughts about your husband, in all that 9 years, you could have broken it off to date and move on. But you chosed him and now hes your husband, be mature about it and focus on your marriage.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (30 November 2016):
 You're not falling in love - being in love is mutual, you're crushing on someone who is off-limits.Admitting your feelings *would* be betraying your husband. The chances Tyler feels anything for you are very slim.The more you think about him as anything other than family, the more you're allowing yourself to live in a fantasy. He's taken. You're taken. He's your husband's cousin, so even if he was single, it would be wrong of you to try anything - obviously because it's cheating, but also because family is loyal.Look, you're a married woman, not a hormonal teenager, so you need to get your feelings in line. Acknowledge it's a crush and don't let yourself think about him, except in a family context.Why are you with your husband if he is not sweet, respectful and kind?
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