A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been close friends with this girl for most of my life. For the past few years I have been in love with her. We went out but things ended badly and we didn't speak for 6 months. Luckily we were able to get past that and ar enow close friends again.The thing is I still love her (she doesn't know). I am not sure what to do. I know that she doesn't like me in that way and I am afraid that if I mention anything things will become awkward and ruin our friendship.Not only that but I feel like I can't live with her but I also feel like I can't live without her. When I'm not with her I miss her, but when I am with her I feel depressed because I know I can't have her. I'm not sure I want a relationship with her though because we've been friends our entire lives and can't imagine what life would be like without her if things ended badly again. I feel like there is no way around this and I will always feel depressed about this because I can't live with her or without her in my life.Please help, thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCodeWarrior:
I have thought about what you have been saying for the past couple of days, and now I am a bit confused.
Looking back I think that I was over-reacting to the fact that she made out with one of my friends in front of me when we were at a party a week ago (last time I saw her).
When I keep my distance from her my feelings don't feel as strong, and it's only when I see her I that they start heating up again...that's not to say they completely disappear though when we keep our distance...but also I don't think I feel as bad as I said I did when we are together. I actually enjoy her company quite a bit.
The thing is, when I think about this I get a thought that is telling me that what I am typing now might just be subconcious excuses that will give me reasons to allow me to continue our friendship.
I know that you can't tell me what to do, especially since you don't know me or my female friend, but I find your advice helpful so I'd like to know what you think about this.
2)The reason our relationship ended the first time is because I am too quiet. A few days ago when we were waiting for her to be picked up at the subway she mentioned again that she doesn't like quiet. It's not that I don't like talking it's just that I never have anything to say. Do you have any advice about that?
Thanks for your help, I appreciate you spending your time to help me out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice.
But we have had our distance. Despite being close friends we don't talk more than 2-3 times a month at most, and we don't see each other more than once every two months. We've had lots of space, but still nothing has changed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Rock 'n' roll: 1st I was actually 14 when this started, 2nd funny you should mention your best friend's girlfriend, because a month after we broke up my best friend started going out with her. they've been off and on since then, right now off.To anyone: Also, I think she might know now because on msn her pm is "All I Need To Know Is That I'm Something You'll Be Missing.... Maybe I Should Hate You For This" Also, two of my friends were hitting on her the other day and i felt like knocking them out. Any suggestions on how to deal with that? because if i mention something it will for sure get back to the girl which i might not (or might???) want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous8845  +, writes (31 August 2009):
The best advice i can give you is to stay in her life. If you cant have her you have to show here how much you love her, be there every step of the way. Be her shoulder to cry on and make sure she knows you will always be there for her. I am sure she will appreciate that she has a friend like you and will realize how much she loves you. Be patient, and good luck:)
hope this helps
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): The thing is, if you bottle this up inside and continue to be friends with her, these feelings probably won't go away, and will probably get stronger, but sooner or later, one way or another you'll have to find closure to the situation. I was in the same situation (a long time ago when i was 15 years old), and i had feelings for my best friends girlfriend. I never told any of them how i felt, but i did have to distance myself from them for a while and it worked. So, based on a successful experience of mine, i would suggest you follow a similar tactics.
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